Letters to my Greatgrand-daughter: Awesome in 30 seconds!!!!!

Dear Charly, 

There are a couple of words I hope you never hear; words like Ethnic cleansing, words like hate crimes, like caste-violence and racism. I hope you never see #blacklivesmatter, #arabuprising and #bringbackourgirls except in history. I hope you don’t live in a society where the muslim guy is avoided or the man with the collar is scorned and called a pedophile. I hope you live in a society that doesn’t stare at you strangely because of the kink of your hair. I hope your society genuinely embraces diversity and doesn’t stare at foreigners in disgust. I hope your society is void of that woman on the train who suddenly gets up and screams, “Go home” to the exhausted Tamil man miles from home in search of better opportunities. 

Those are my hopes for the society. For you, I hope you read this letter often enough. I hope you are a person who doesn’t crumble under societal pressures, i hope you aren’t a victim, better yet, I hope you don’t allow yourself to be a victim. I hope if they call you names, they just slide right off. I hope you are able to conduct yourself in a manner that is able to model who we are.

For you, i have these hopes but also i have some words. 

First, ensure that you understand your environment and the society in which you live in, Charly. Why? Because your society is constantly trying to understand you. Crazy and inpalpable as it might sound, your society (which is made up of people) is aware of your presence and is constantly evaluating your significance in the grand scheme of things. 

When people look at you, they will make a mental judgement in less than 30 seconds.

They judge you, and not through any fault of their own,really, but because of the natural God-given ability to make deductionsfrom limited information provided by your apparent persona. The human brain is able to process on average, 40 thoughts per minute; in 30 seconds, a stranger will have at least 15 thoughts about you, even if he doesn’t consciously register your face.

Yes, that’s what the human brain does, it judges. 

Imagine you are standing at a pedestrian crossing and a lone man looks up in your direction from his seat at an outdoor cafe.  His eyes rest on you for less than a minute. He is deep in thought and notices you but his gaze doesn’t linger. He has on a subconscious polite smile as his eyes go back to his newspaper.

Words like “black” would pop into his brain. Whatever he associates black with, will quickly be indexed beside your face in his head. Words like "happy". Words like “cleavage” (your cleavage better not be out, young lady, lol. seriously *straight face*), there aren’t too many words that can be associated with cleavage and we all know the first one. Right next to your face. Words like "slouch" would probably trigger the words "lazy" and "lethargic".You want to make a good impression always; every single waking moment. As a woman, the world probably takes you less seriously than they would care to admit, before you accept defeat and curl up into the mould they already set for you as tepid, inadequate and inept. Understand this -

you

are what

you

decide

you

are.

Never ever settle for less than you can be. 

Here are the words you want them to think in that space of 30 seconds:

Achiever

Determined

Driven

Principled

Mysterious

Unusual

Talented

Intelligent

Fun

Ambitious

Responsible

Competent

You want his brain to re-echo them. You want to command respect in all situations, in all languages and in every geographic location. You want them to spend their 30 seconds meaningfully. Give them something to write home about. Literally, let the man outside the cafe say, "I saw a young woman today and she held my attention and my respect and she didn’t even have to say a word or bare a thigh to do it!" In your own way and style, be awesome and remarkable in 30 seconds. 

I wish we didn’t have to try so hard. However, history preceded us and ultimately left us with an opportunity (not a disadvantage but an opportunity) to rebrand ourselves the best way we know how and now everyday with our exquisite mien and dignified aura we will rewrite history, one man-outside-the-cafe at a time. 

Love,

Greatgran x

Letters to my greatgrand daughter: The Rolex effect

Dear Charly,

Someone once said, "

direction

is so much more important than

speed

. Many are going nowhere, fast."

Instant coffee. Fast food. Attention spans of eight seconds. ATMs. Quickies. These are features of the world I currently live in.

Nevertheless,  amidst this deep-seated dependency on speed and the power of instancy,

Rolex Société Anonyme

takes out

one year

to make

one Rolex watch

. (Pause and take that in). 

One watch. 

Twelve months.

Two hundred and fifty working days of piecing together each element, to make a time piece so perfect and flawless.

A baby born at the same time the very first piece of a Rolex is assembled, could very well be weaned and walking by the time the Rolex is to be on the market. It's not a mass production effort as you can see and it g

oes without saying that you’d value a Rolex over a Casio (no offence, Casio). This is simply because Rolex watches have a reputation for excellence, finesse, precision and quality....which you can see wasn't produced based on the instancy factor.

Take a cue from Rolex and resist the instancy factor, Charly. Soak yourself in self improvement exercises and don't jump on the market until you are fit for all weather. Get off the haste wagon and breathe.  Take your time (but not forever) with everything; decisions, relationships, marriage, chewing 

even!

With relationships, no rush there, I must tell you. If you are reading this in between relationships, no better time to invest in yourself! Become a better version of yourself before you meet the next guy (or the first guy). 

If you already are in one, well, read it anyway and learn on the job. I am still learning on the job too! You’ll come to learn, as I have, that life is a giant sack of continuous self-improvement exercises, till the day the fat lady sings. The great thing is, you determine if she sings

allegro

or

adagio

! 

I chose adagio.

So, in this fast world I live in, I have learnt to take my sweet time. I stop and breathe while others are moving. I brew my coffee and my tea (sometimes). I chew like a snail (that you could do a little faster). I listen a little longer, my gaze lingers by a second. Quickies....hmmn. Let's just say, "brew" there as well. 

Don't let the crowd drag you along in its frazzled haste. Rest. Watch. Laugh. Listen. Most importantly, work on your character. Become the best version of yourself. It might not take a year like a Rolex or it might. Either way, it makes you a better person and from that emanates the Rolex-effect; the natural aura of luxury and perfection.

Love,

Greatgran x

Letters to my Greatgrand daughter: This Panty business

Dear Charly,

Imagine you are hanging out with  two girls; maybe colleagues, friends, acquaintances of yours. They are whispering, giggling and shuffling their feet excitedly. They seem to be speaking in some form of coded lingo, you watch their eyes twinkle as they continue in this undiluted state of delight.

You notice one of the girls has something concealed in her clenched right fist. She quickly shoves it into the pocket of the other girl. They squeal and giggle animatedly. They both look into their pockets. They, apparently, both have this thing evoking such a buzz. They glance at you briefly, contemplating whether to let you in on the subject.

What did they both have in their pockets? What was so exciting? You are mildly intrigued. With every giggle, you become more aware of how far out of the loop you are. The more they whisper, the further your chances of joining in this sweet celebration. A smile tugs at your lips as you wonder what this buzz could be about.

 They tease you by peeking into their pockets at the shrouded mystical enigma. You are on the verge of bursting with anticipation.Overwhelmed with suspense, you beg them to show it to you.

"I'll keep it a secret, I promise." you say.

A part of you knows you won't. 

After a while, one of them pulls it out of her pocket. Two lacy briefs. Dirty. Discolored. Worn. A little stinky too. You recoil in disgust but still you lean in, curious. Why were they keeping dirty underwear in their pockets?  Then the initial panty-bearer tells you one weird fact after another about these underwears. 

First, they are not hers. At this point you are certain you will be sick.

Second, she got them from some else (who also isn't the owner either). 

Third, she is willing to hand them to you too. You could be a proud owner! One filthy lacy pair of briefs which doesn't belong to you! She shoves one into your pocket. You stagger back. You can't bring yourself to bring it out of your pocket. It was disgusting and it smelt....bad. The other girl seemed accustomed to this panty-business. She brings it out and hurriedly goes to show it another group of girls nearby.

Charly, I will say this once, stay away from people who peddle other people's dirty laundry. It really is as gross as I have described. If it's someone else's mess then it sure shouldn't be in your pocket. Learn to mind your own business. Actually, love to mind your own business; your daily mundane tasks, your celebrations and your mistakes. If you don't, you will easily develop a taste for gossip and relish all the flavors it packs, not to mention your own issues will go unattended to.  

The great thing about gossip peddlers is that they are easy to spot! Usually from one conversation with them, you can tell they have a social and emotional impotence which they try to plug by gossiping and rummaging through laundry bags.  Be aloof to gossip, it makes you unapproachable to peddlers. Rebuff every conversation that skids off track into the dark alleys of idle chatter. If you can't decipher what gossip is ask yourself, if it is your business. If you need to ask if a subject is really your business, it most probably isn't. Learn to respect information given to you. Do not pass it on.

Fact: Gossip is caustic. It eats into lives, relationships and your reputation.

Do not put yourself in a position where stale panties are shoved in your pocket. 

Don't be the grapevine, don't be the wee little birdie and most importantly don't play in a pile of some else's dirty laundry. Uber-eww.

Love,

Greatgran x

Letters to my Greatgrand-daughter : The Cheatee

Dear Charly,

If you have been cheated on, you need to cry. That's step one. Cry it all out, unabashed and without control......privately, NOT in front of him.

You might want to throw in a few "heartbreak" songs but only the ones that promise you will survive and what not.

The next thing to do is to burn his clothes!!!! I'm kidding. (Hollywood dictates that you burn his clothes....who comes up with this stuff, anyway?) Don't do that. Mainly because it's too much trouble and because you have better things to do. Not to mention that punishment only actually strikes a note if his clothes are really important to him and cost a fortune. If he shops at Kiton or Brioni (6000 to 50,000 USD per suit), it would make sense but then again he's very likely to replace it without flinching. It goes without saying that you should end the relationship with this boyfriend.

Do not call the girl he's seeing. I repeat do not call or even worse,

visit

the girl he is seeing. It would either result in a cat fight which is just distasteful. Or she could give you the "if you can't keep your man......." line. Alternatively, you could both bond, then dance to Beyonce and Shakira's "Beautiful liar" and go home. You would agree that none of this is time spent wisely neither does it provide closure.

Closure is most elusive after being cheated on. Ideally, an apology should fix it but that hardly comes along and if it does it's usually not sincere. So how do you get closure?

The most popular way is to "rebound". To get a new boyfriend or to have a fling. Unfortunately, this isn't closure, it's just a distraction; an attempt to feel wanted and significant. It's usually not well thought out and is almost always at the expense of the emotions of the new guy.

What you want is suppor, from friends and  family and yourself.

Pull yourself together. Dress up and go out. Even if you are indoors. Perfume too.

Try not to hate... it just gives you wrinkles. Skip that phase. Skip the name-calling too. Try writing out how you feel, all the venom and anger on a sheet or a screen. Write it all out. When you read it five years later, you'd roll your eyes at how overdramatic you sounded. I read mine recently. I had to shred it immediately. My French could not be excused.

Wipe out every trace of him; gifts especially. No bonfire necessary. Donate to a charity.

So he's physically gone. He needs to be mentally absent too. You need a hobby. I know I say this in every letter. You do need a hobby; a productive, time-consuming one, that engages your creative mind. Make something, design something. Try a new sport.

Hopefully, you never get cheated on and don't need this letter. However, if you do, don't let this experience leave you wary of men. If it happens with more than one guy, don't become jaded and paranoid. Not all men cheat. It's the truth.

So remember; cry, ignore him and the girlie, get support, write it all out, get a hobby and stay wrinkle-free.

If he comes back and begs, you know what to do.

Love,

Greatgran x

Ps: don't even think about taking him back. 

Disclaimer: Charly is not married and so she's free to cut her losses. 

Letters to my Greatgrand-daughter: The Friend-zone cheat sheet

Dear Charly,

Two words. Friend zone.  

The most populous realm of the ‘Boy meets Girl’ universe. It turns out not only guys end up there. Girls get friend-zoned too. We are just more coy, secretive and less whiny about it. 

If you already are in the friend zone, I’m afraid it’s rather difficult to get out. You really might want to make yourself at home. However, if you aren't there just yet, this may be of use to you. 

First let me say, appreciate your education. The early, long hours and gruesome study nights don’t only prepare you for a lifetime vocation but provides tools for making better life decisions. Eventually you’ll see it’s really not that awful…………. actually it is. 

My point is, learn to believe in the power of education and its application to your mundane or in this case your romantic life. The solution to the friend zone might actually be found somewhere in an old, mouldy, scraggly textbook. 

Here’s my proposal for staying out of the friend zone. 

Positioning or product positioning

: One of the few terms that actually stuck in marketing class amidst the doodles and candy crush level hopping. Positioning according to Philip Kotler is the designing of a company’s offering and image to occupy a distinct place in the target market’s mind. 

Rephrasing for our own purposes, positioning is the art of being able to occupy that distinct place in the mind of a guy who you like and who you consider worthy of your person. Thankfully, men are not complex, it’s either he likes you…..likes you or he thinks you are “cool” or his “homie” or his “she-bro”. I have been called all these, Charly. I don’t know why I didn't think of this theory sooner! It surely could have helped the time I got friend-zoned. Best-friend-zoned actually (long story). The good news is it doesn't have to be that way.

The question to address is, how have you positioned yourself in his mind? You need to position yourself as the love interest. Not the best friend, not the neighbour, not the classmate; THE LOVE INTEREST. You need to be synonymous to girlfriend, the same way Louboutins are synonymous to luxury shoes.

This is not a call to change who you are or be inauthentic, no. Please by all means be yourself. In fact, according to two marketing experts, Ries and Trout, positioning is not what you do to a product. Positioning is what you do to the mind of the prospect. 

 It’s a delicate balance between the presentation of your self-image and his perception of it.

It's your opportunity to influence his image of you and you only get one shot at this. It must be realistic and sustainable. 

Be mysterious; difficult to understand, teasingly and excitingly cryptic. 

Don’t be available all the time. I'm sure you have other things to do than hang around him. If you don’t, find something. 

Note: Don’t play hard to get, that gets old. Scientific studies show playing hard-to-get achieves nothing, however, being hard-to-get promises a likelihood of you being regarded with esteem. Be unavailable. Let him look for you, if he doesn't, well, take a hint and move on.

Don’t be too casual around him. Your body language shouldn't be screaming FRIEND! No farting or burping. Keep it together. Your body language shouldn't whisper “easy” either. You want minimal contact and a chance to build some energy. 

Be feminine but not all feminine, just the right amount blended with charm and confidence.

Don’t do him too many favors, one or two occasionally is fine but not two-a-day.

Have the ability to have light, fun, interesting conversations but also deep, knowledgeable ones.

Have your own opinions and express them clearly. Don’t like all his comments and photos on social media. Exercise some restraint.

Keep it in mind, my love, that the reason you might be headed for the friend zone is because you aren't his type but you are interesting enough to have around. Be quick to identify his type. If it requires an extensive alteration of you are, maybe this really isn't the guy for you. In that case, Friend zone HIM and keep moving.

The right guy is out there and much closer than he was yesterday.

Love,

Greatgran x

Letters to my greatgrand daughter: Sexual Dividends

Dear Charly,

"Any man who truly loves you will wait for you." This was what my mum told me. We had heard that so many times and no one was listening (being in the new millennium and all, Woohoo Y2K! Ultra-throwback). It was year 2000 and all everyone wanted to do was have sex before the world ended.

Me, I was a mama's girl (rarer than the famed "mama's boy" ‎), I actually listen to my mother (sometimes). Of course, I pretend like I don't and give her a good argument, but I do listen. Anyway she had given me this bit of perspective when I was about to start dating. This consequently meant I didn't have to have sex if I didn't want to. It meant, I control the sexing in every relationship (not the guy) and if I didn't want to, no guy was going to pressure me and sulk his way into my awesomely lacy underwear. This was great! This truly was the key to dating, I could date as many men as possible and not be called a slut. I would find my ideal emotionally mature man, intellectually stimulating, crazy fun, people/ family lover, a bit of a foodie and adventurous. And *drumroll* I didn't have to invest any sex! It was genius (partly because I was icky about getting all body “fluid-y” with several men. One, was really all I needed).

This is not an instructional letter. Today, I’ll just tell you how it is and what I did. It’s completely up to you to decide.

First thing to know, Charly is this: SEX is an INVESTMENT.

Investment

‎ /ɪnˈvɛs(t)m(ə)nt /

noun.

An act of devoting ‎time, effort, or energy to a particular undertaking with the expectation of a worthwhile result: Oxford dictionary.

Sex requires devotion of time, effort and energy (if you are doing it right anyway); Shave, wax, lingerie (dolly, kinky, lacey, silky), kegels, sext, contraception (patch, pill, sponge, needle), condom (ribbed, not ribbed, latex, non- latex), Lube , imagination, spontaneity (car, shower, alley, basement), mental-winding on days you really don't want to. ‎All these, with the expectation that he will find me awesomely wonderful and eternally indispensable, that he would be unable to imagine his existence without me and pop the question one day! This was the "worthwhile" result.

What were the odds that this would occur? How many guys would I have to have sex with before I finally got one who would pop the question? Would sex guarantee me a proposal or at least something steady? I really had no idea and I am not one to take random risks. This is where forty hours of my risk analysis and management class kicks in. I wasn't ready to invest sex into any relationship that wouldn't yield superb, tangible and sustainable results. True, I had needs. You probably do too (as much as I’d like to believe you don’t, being my little Greatgrand daughter and all). This wasn't about needs. It was about whether at 35 years old, I’d still be creeping out of a random guy’s room at 4 AM doing the walk of shame, or even worse I’d wake up in mine and he’s gone.

I decided. No sex. True, we’d make out. Up-against-the-wall-furniture-shifting make-outs (I didn't tell you this). However, no sex. If he did love me, he’d have to wait in line while I analyzed the relationship and its potential for growth. So with my perfect man criteria in place (mentioned above), I created a timeline:

Month 1: Meet boy (no sex)

Month 2-5: Get to know boy (no sex) aka probation period

This was the most intense ‎time; the probation period. The main activity was research; his family, his Exes. Does boy have a drinking problem, cheating history, anger issues? Does boy need sex for this relationship? Is boy willing to wait till we are married? If he is, well, good for him, he could channel his sexual energy into hunting or some other activity. This was usually always the most sexually tense period. It wasn’t easy but you know what else isn’t easy? Getting over a breakup with a guy you were sleeping with. I had to be focused.

Month 6: Dating (No sex)

Probation extension. I have standards. Do not fall short, boy.

Month 7/8: (No sex)

At this point, the relationship is probably strained from too many fights and no sex. Muhahaha. Boy begins to come undone. Boy and I. On the brink of bliss or disaster.

Month 9: (No sex)

Tsktsk. Boy has cheated. Boy is acting up. Flirting with anyone and everyone. Boy thinks I'm oblivious.

Month 10

Goodbye, boy. On to the next.

Ten months. Difficult but effective. Heads up, just in case you try to do this, this won’t work if you are idle. Be busy at school, work, community projects, church. Do not trust will-power. My will has its strengths but resisting physical intimacy isn't one of them. I had to aid my will by selecting men appropriately and by self-branding (Dating and Business school really are connected!). He had to understand what I was about and know for certain that the sex thing was not off and on the table. It was off, far off.

I'm no super- woman here, I invented it because it makes sense and I had to protect myself……. from myself. I am my own greatest specialist in joy- sabotage.

Another reason I listened to mama was the fear of ending up with the wrong man, who I couldn't let go of because I felt attached to him. That would be selling myself short! I had seen it too many times. My train of thought usually was: If I meet him, have sex with him, then discover he's no good but I can't leave him because sex and its hormones make me feel bonded to him, tied to him, then I’d be in a pickle. An avoidable pickle (those are the worst pickles). Oxytocin, vasopressin and endorphins; the hormones of deception. They collectively make you feel attached to the guy, like there’s something monogamous about what you just did, helps you feel secure, soothes you and binds you. I guess in retrospect, the only reason older people tell you not to have sex is because of the effect of those darn hormones and the false sense of security they bring.

So Charly, if you have never had sex before and you plan to wait till you are married, make sure you have a good reason for doing so (told you all of mine). If you started already, humour me and try the ten month trial period on a guy. Let’s see if he makes it to month five.

Love,

Greatgran x

Letters to my Greatgrand daughter: Love right

Dear Charly,

I dated a few. Some good and some bad, some you’d cringe. Your great grandpa is a real man and that’s what you need to keep your eyes peeled back for. How did I find him? O wow, he was seriously buried in a haystack! He walked out of the haystack and came to me, that’s how I found him. He was looking for something. Your man needs to be looking for you, and when I mean you, I mean you; not your vagina. Sometimes, they aren't looking at all and they “stumble on you”. If he uses that expression when describing how he met you, he still has a lot of learning to catch up on.

First let’s state the obvious. If he is violent and he is hitting you, I should come down and hit you over the head myself. End it.

If he’s cheating and you are still dating, you can’t change him. God can but you can’t.There is nothing there for you.Move on swiftly. 

If he is having a rough time getting on his feet. Observe. Don’t be eager to give money all the time. Watch if he wants to actually make something out of himself. If he doesn't, please fade away. If he really just needs a break, support him, encourage him, be there.

If you don’t know what he does for a living and he buys you gifts, please find out what he does. If he hides his profession, he is either a secret agent or a future prisoner. Make your decision, wisely. Nothing abrupt, but swiftly and skilfully.

Don’t be enthralled by a wealthy man. His clothes, his car, his perfume (beware of that), his grooming. Stop gaping at what your friend’s boyfriend bought her. Make your own money and tell your friend to also. Don't wait around to be sponsored. When you are out on a date, be able to pay. I had the worst experience once; the guy couldn't pay and neither could I! I reiterate, Charly; have the ability to pay the bill.

Do not be sentimental about choosing a man. Keep your eyes open. Keep your thighs shut and your brain working. If you must, kiss him, but be a damn good kisser. Your ancestors were good kissers. In fact, I am known for eight hour kissing marathons *wink*. Don’t kiss and tell. Kiss and let them tell...of your prowess. Keep your brain working when you kiss, be aware of where his hands are every second (guy hands; the only thing faster than light).

Make dating fun. It’s like traveling. You explore new people. Inevitably, you learn from them, if not from the guys, from the experience. Make it a rich experience by dating interesting men. By interesting I don’t mean odd. He should make you laugh. He should intrigue you. He should entertain you. He must respect you. He must have substance and depth. He must read and be curious. Make sure you intrigue his soul. Make sure you enchant him. Be witty, be mysterious.

Every relationship changes you, but make sure it’s for the wiser. Learn to deal with heart breaks, don’t sink into a tub of ice-cream. I promise you, you will run into your ex at the most random place, sporting new love handles and some pounds here and there to show. Please don’t drown in a bottle either, you will end up calling him or showing up at his door one night. Drunkenness is not attractive and it won’t end well. I've tried it. Get a new hobby, get a pet, get a new lamp, heck, a plant to talk to. Don’t be tempted to grovel, calcify that spine!!!

Finally, please my dear, do not get chained down in a relationship in which you are not the object of mesmerization. If he is not intrigued every minute of every day he's around you, please send him on his way. You were designed to be adored. Look at yourself and repeat it to yourself in the mirror. Write it on that mirror , on 12 sticky-notes and paste in your car (or hovercraft) , your desk, your fridge. Write it in lipstick, pen and pencil.  Slap 'em here. Slap 'em there. Once again say it to yourself.

'I was designed to be adored.'

I love you deeply.

Great gran x

Letters to my greatgrand-daughter

My dear Greatgrand-daughter,

I hope you have developed a taste for do’s and don’ts. I advise you develop it fast as I have a lot of letters coming your way. I can imagine you want to “live your life” as some say. I couldn't agree more, my love. Live it wisely though. Your Greatgrand-father and I are about to start having children. We have both prayed not to have a girl. To raise a girl, you have to teach her to be wise and cunning, which is so much trouble. However, I know we will.

First, I hope you are a reader and not merely a watcher of entertainment. Turn off the TV shows for a bit and buy a book, read and imagine. Try writing as well, create. I also hope they aren’t remaking new marvel action movies for the umpteenth time. I also hope James Bond is at least 6 feet tall again.

Please remember, you cannot get good results by making poor decisions. Learn to make good decisions. It’s very simple too. Any action which answers “Yes” to the question “Will it hurt in the morning?” or “Will it hurt someone else?” is probably a bad decision. For example, “Should I do these shots?”

Drink but don’t get drunk. It clouds your judgment and it's overrated.

Many people get drunk to “wind down”, “be more fun”, “relax”, “to justify their cursing”, “to be better company”, “to forget the pain”.  If you want to curse, do it sober. If you want to relax, do it sober. If you want to wind down, have a glass of red.If you get drunk to erase the pain, it will be waiting beside your bed (or the road side, just in case you didn't make it to bed). Trust me, I tried.

Please do not always feel the need to be in the company of others. Love yourself and your own company. But also do not be a loner. Learn to be good company. To be better company you have to read, read far and wide, about things you love, things you hate and things you are indifferent about. Read about planes, automobiles, fashion, politics, the NEWS, history, the solar system, food, travel, culture, craft, animals, sports, trade, know the map. Do not underestimate the power of a good conversation. That’s how to be good company. If you are the life of the party who screams 'Let’s get wasted',all the time, you will be great company too, but only on the weekends.

Respectfully shut up anyone who refers to you as “not fun”. You are fun. If someone thinks you aren't, then please understand that the person has not developed that side of himself/herself that appreciates your preferences. Do not apologize for your preferences and please do not try adopt theirs either. This doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy what they do but do not do it because they belittled your interests and dismissed them as “boring”.

If you need to justify your cursing then obviously you have no air of audacity. Develop that, but make sure you aren't arrogant. Everyone hates an arrogant person. Cursing. You must become a woman who doesn't need to curse to emphasize her emotions or curse to be taken seriously. Make sure when you speak you are listened to and make sure you don’t speak too often. It’s more rewarding to listen and think. People do not think anymore, Charly (I hope this is your name). People would rather stare at their phones these days and ignore other people physically in their presence. I hope you appreciate your relationships, both family and friends. Love those you see every day, look for lost contacts and build bridges, your greatgrand-pa taught me that (he is so sexy, by the way).

Make sure you think and reason. Do not follow the crowd. Think about politics, about institutions, about children, about death, about God, about life, about your immediate environment and how you can add to these. Be proactive in your mind and in your dealings. Don’t be mindless and allow the world to throw stuff at you. Throw stuff at the world, make it play catch. You are the boss, my dear. Don’t be unprepared for life’s curve balls, some of them do curve wrong. Be strong, cry if you must but move on and devise.

Most importantly, Charly, people look very silly drunk. So make sure you laugh at them.

X Great gran.