Love Your Frenemies!
In the entire history of mankind, till present, no one rocks the "Frenemy" jersey like Judas Iscariot. He was a seasoned hater, a hypocrite and a very proactive enemy. Only recently, I realized that he went out, voluntarily, to the Pharisees to inquire how he might assist in their efforts to arrest Jesus! Lol. He actually got up from his meal of lamb chops and olives with a side of coleslaw and walked to find ways to resourcefully betray his friend- if that isn't proactive, I don't know what is!
I personally found him interesting because he was always with Jesus, through the miracles and the walking on water, feeding the five thousand and raising dead people; through everything! Why couldn't he just be happy for his friend? Why was he so bitter and weird? Why did he voluntarily snitch on his friend?!
His dedication to this betrayal, is one of the most mysterious stories in the bible; actually, come to think of it, maybe not, because we already know haters gon' hate. Still, it's bothersome that he took this "frenemy" business so serious and in my personal opinion, a little too far. He was so resolute and active about it. Why? Well, because it was his destiny. Simply put. Judas was designed to accomplish something in the life of his friend, something that the whole of mankind kind of depends on, even till this day! Judas was part of the big plan! Frenemies are part of the big plan in your life (most times, anyway!)
While I know frenemies are a pain in the tush, they are actually there for a reason. My default statement usually would be "shake that hater loose" or "be rid of that backbiting frenemy" but what if we stop and ponder; what if our frenemy actually had a purpose in our lives?
Dying for mankind was Jesus' life's goal and a frenemy played such a huge part! Jesus, kind of embraced the role of Judas in his life! In fact, one day, during diner, Jesus looks at Judas, straight in the eye and tells him point blank that he needs to get on with whatever he's supposed to do. He's urging him to stab him in the back! It's beyond me, this story. Lol!
I guess frenemies do have a function then!
Did you know that frenemies are known to improve productivity and attain accomplishments in our lives? Science proves it. Wouldn't it be great to put our frenemies to good use and see what comes out of the relationship?
We should ask God for guidance and grace to deal with frenemies and then, when their task is done, ask him nicely, that they please get lost.
What are your thoughts?
When Life Gives you the 404 Error Message
If there's anything life knows how to do, it's dish out curve balls, 404-error messages and lemons- unexpected events that try to knock us off our feet.
Recently, life sent me a 404-error message. Lol. It definitely wasn't funny when I got it but I'm "lol'ing" about it now because I can and because I know that "weird times don't last, but weird people do". *Grin*
The bothersome thing about lemons is their ambivalent nature and of course, their timing (it's like they have their own little special calendars that highlight the worst days to show up). They come in various forms, at anytime; "Dear John" letters a day before an exam, market crashes after investing everything we own, a relatively unfriendly spouse after years of being together, a bird who decides to poop while flying above you, as you hurry for an interview (Are you kidding, bird! Who poops in motion anyway?! This has happened to me twice and i honestly think it's the same bird)
Those lemons come. Some are more life changing than others, like a death in the family or a sickness. Sometimes, they come one at a time, sometimes in rapid succession!
I recently saw the movie, War Room and buried beneath it's quirkiness and humor is one clear message, a day will come, a lemon will come torpedoing at you. What. in. the. world. are. you. going. to. do?!
During this time, we have to hold on to our optimism, depend on the support from our family and friends, build up our strength and cling to God like an undersized wet-suit. The wet-suit-cling is my favorite because the other three maybe fleeting but God is the rock eternal off of which lemons and curve balls ricochet. And the 404 error messages? Let's just say there isn't any network in the rock-delivery failed.
God has been my sole support for about 10 years now. I recently discovered, by the way, that God wants us hard! Not callous, evil or ruthless, but hard, firm in character and unshaking in our trust in him. How fun, finally I can put my intransigence to good use. Hehe!
“If you fall apart in a crisis, there wasn’t much to you anyway!”
*When the bible steps to you and drops the mic. Lol.*
If you are going through lemons or error messages, this collection of quotes might help! Stay strong! Please remember to share!
4 Long Distance Relationship mind-tricks + How to deal
Somewhere in between feeling like a third wheel on most social outings and scowling on the crowded train next to the kissing couple, you'll realize that this long distance relationship (LDR) isn't just your thing!
No one can take away the discomfort (putting it mildly) that LDR brings but you can sure make it easier on yourself. From experience, i noticed that LDRs tend to have certain effects on the individuals involved--minds tricks that's what they are really. The distance, of course, makes you feel as frustrated as ever and begins to play games on your mind, causing you to make decisions you wouldn't make otherwise (especially #4). I've narrowed these effects down to 4 effects, because this post could easily turn into a book if I don't. Lol!
Spoiler alert for effect #2: During our LDR, probably in our 7th year, Ed and I were away from each other for a while--the longest we had ever been. By the 3rd month, we couldn't remember what the other person felt or looked like! Don't be alarmed if this happens to you, somewhere along the line you might lose bits and pieces of the events and time you shared together, but that's ok, breathe, it doesn't mean your relationship is dying. Check out #2 for tricks!
Here are 4 tricks LDRs might have on your mind and 4 neat tricks to manage them:
1. Stuck on Stag Island
Stagnant (Stag) island: that place where you want to hide under a rock and become a hermit. From experience, I can say LDR has a knack for getting you to put your life on hold, because your Significant other(S.O) is not around. You are here watching the world go by, passing on some awesome experiences and all you want to do is dip yourself in a slow, mundane cycle and sluggishly go with the motions till you see bae again.
Neat trick: Get busy and don't let those experiences pass you by (Well, not unless they cost money and you are broke). Find a hobby. Develop yourself! If you want to go to Turkey for a- once-in-life-time internship opportunity, this would be a great time to do so.
2. Forget S.O's face and features
By week 9 of your LDR, you may begin to forget features, voice tones, the tiny things that made you fall in love with S.O. True, you talk every day on FaceTime or Imo but you can't get past the virtual barricade the screen offers. Don't panic and think your relationship is over just because you can't remember the way he feels or the way she laughs!
Neat trick: Discusswith your S.O. He/she probably feels the same way and is just as spooked about telling you. Sharing this will take the load off your shoulders. A surprise visit may also be in order, if you can afford it!
Something Ed did that helped was "a letter box". He wrote about 10 letters all sealed in individual envelopes and marked for the days I was to open them and read (P.s I love you style). *heart bubbles bursting all over my head right now* It also helped that we gave each other rich narratives of our day.
3. PDA intolerance
You suddenly become intolerant to couples holding hands and kissing on the streets. I remember one particular couple in Trafalgar Square. They were both dressed in white clothes, top to bottom, for some reason. They wouldn't stop kissing each other! If you have me a pen and paper, I could draw and label their tongues. I saw too much in one glance. Way too much.
Neat trick: Zone out of the situation and give the couple as much space as possible. There's not a lot to do in this situation but self-pacify. Lol! If you think about it, you guys will eventually be that gross couple that everyone can draw their tongues in future. Sohold your peace and focus on the future!
4. Illegally Crushing
You begin to crush on someone who is near and isn't even cute! LDRers are lonely people and are the most susceptible to having weird, random crushes. Tut. Tut. It's the LDR hustle.
Not-so-neat trick: You have two options: (1)Tell S.O about it. Reassure him/her that it's nothing. You guys can work through it together. (2) If you are going the other obvious route-the don't-tell-S.O route, please find someone who you can trust and confide in. Be accountable. It's great to have good platonic friendships at your location to ensure you aren't lonely and are occupied! It really helps, unless they are "Jacks". Lol! I just remembered that post. I'm going to read that now. I hope you enjoyed this and that it helped! Please share with an LDRers you know! Thanks!
Hey, can you identify with any of these mind-tricks? Please feel free to add any effects of long distance relationships you might have experienced below!
6 Ways to Get out of a Creative Rut
I wish creativity came in a box and all you had to do was add water and stir but it doesn't--not yet anyway. While we all hold our breaths and wait for Nestlé to come up with this fab beverage, we need to find ways to manage our creative lags/ruts.
This is a list of 6 things that I hope will be beneficial to you whenever you feel a little lethargic with your creative work. Here goes:
1. Rest
Your mind is a living, breathing thing that likes to laze around on sunny beaches and sip piña coladas, contrary to general perception. It deserves to relax, considering the fact that it gives you more than a hundred percent of performance everyday. Take time out to relax-an hour, a day, a week. Even God is an advocate for rest days. #NotEverytimeCreateBotanicalGarden
2. Change your routine
Same chair, same wall, same noises, same voices in your head. Sometimes it helps to shuffle things around in your living and creative space to create more creative urges and stimulants. Rearrange your desk or work area. Something as little as a newly hung piece of wall art or changing the position of your desk could kick start that creative process.
3. Do something else
PGI girl, Laju says whenever she is stuck in a creative process, she leaves it alone and does something else. If you are running around in circles, consider stopping what you are doing and going for a walk or playing a game or going hang-gliding. Shrug.
4. Open yourself up (not to everything, of course)
According to Alice Laplante, you need to keep your mind open to be able to create new things. If your mind is shut up, your creativity will be relatively stunted and who wants that? Of course, not all things are beneficial (think drugs), so have all your necessary guards up to the things that would be harmful to your well-being and spirit but also learn to appreciate new things and experiences.
5. Eat properly
Food helps creativity. However, a lot of creative people seem to "forget" to eat. Artists like MichaelAngelo and Van Gogh were also meal skippers because they were fixated on their tasks and meeting deadlines, I can't say I blame them. For the impressionists of the 1800s, absinthe and tobacco were their creative foods for some reason--those are not on the top 15 creativity-enhancing food list by the way. A good, consistent diet helps to enhance creativity as well as maintain good physical health.
6. Toss your work to God
It's a good idea to pray about your work. Commit your works unto the Lord and it will be established (Proverbs 16vs3). I love it when the bible gets explicit. Wink.
If you know anyone struggling with their creativity, this could help! Please share!
Hey! Did you read my short-story feature on Tope Owolabi's blog? Not yet? Read it here!
Are you playing Ringer-a-ringer o'roses at the gym?
It turns out that I've been going to the gym to play ringer-a-ringer o'roses. 2-3 times a week I'd show up in my gym gear, my music blaring from my head phones, pumped and ready to go. I'd do some cardio and some strength building exercises for about 35 minutes and then kiss my biceps (like all gymnasts do) and head home.
Anyway, recently i realized that i've been doing close to nothing at the gym. I had a one-on-one session with an instructor who chatted with me about my physical training needs, took me on a tour of my gym and made work, work, work (3x). I was certain I would pass out at some point. Apparently, I hadn't been pushing myself as far as I should have. I was giving it my best -the best by my standards, which in serious gym people world is equal to ringer-a-ringer o'roses (I just learnt how to spell this, hehe).
My point is, though, you need to get the most out of your workout experience.
As with everything in life, you should have actual, achievable goals, in this case, fitness goals and build your work-out routine around these. It didn't occur to me that I needed goals until I chatted with this instructor.
Consider performing a fitness evaluation and speaking with a trainer about your needs. Remember to set your fitness goals; realistic, achievable, challenging goals. Also remember to have the right music playing and to get some other soft motivations too like gym crushes and motivation partners (wink).
Disclaimer: Soft motivations are for single people only. If you are in a relationship, bae is your soft motivation. Studies show couples who work out together attain their fitness goals like that...BAM!!!
Have you set your fitness goals? Any soft motivations? Grin.
The Sunny Side (of your Break)-up
I'm not sure there is anything more depressing and at the same time exhilarating than a breakup. The latter, of course is not immediately apparent or realized.
My first breakup felt like I got pushed off the edge of a tower and landed on my face. Yes, it hurt, probably even more than this metaphorical face-land. Of course, it only hurt that much because he broke up with me, so I definitely had more vested in the relationship that he had. Argh. Face-land.
During that time nothing would have made me happier than getting back into the relationship, which was silly. The relationship clearly wasn't working out, was less than enjoyable in the grand scheme of things and was of an inferior quality, which I seemed to be content with; crazy thing is i seemed to want back in! It's like being set free from a dilapidated, crummy prison and they toss you out with your belongings and then you kind of sit in front of the prison, sobbing and begging to be let back in. Tsk.
If you think about it though, a breakup really is a blessing! It just means that wasn't the right person or that wasn't the right time to be in the relationship. A break up is an opportunity provided to meet the real person for you(1); You also get a chance to improve yourself before you meet this mystery 'next person'(2); You get to be single again(3). Don't let all the single people have all the fun. Live. Live like there is no tomorrow because there IS a tomorrow and it's full of plans, pretending to be a grown up and an occasional diaper slip*. Enjoy it, book a ticket somewhere, climb a wall or two, stay out late or go out early.
You see, breakups are not so bad, apart from the initial face-land....and the crying....and the wailing in front of the hypothetical prison; other than those, it actually sets you up for a bright future with a turnt-up, better version of yourself, who has completely experienced all that being single has to offer, ready to gallop into the sunset, with the right person!
*A situation where you step on a used diaper and subsequently fall face-first into it.
Other breakup posts: Breakup on a budget, the fishes in the sea after the breakup and reasons we remain in bad relationships! Enjoy!
My Spartan Siblings!
When I was three months old, my parents were involved in an accident. Fractured and recovering from concussions, they were stuck in the hospital for months as roomies--yet again ( I imagine them doing some "roomies-for-life" fist-bump as they lay in the same ward. Lol. Random)
Anyway, I had no clue what was going on, they had left me at home with my 4 older siblings that day and at 9pm(which was time for my night cap), mum and dad weren't back!
Where were they? That chirpy lady who smelt like fresh, rose-scented laundry and Elizabeth Arden's Red Door and that dark guy with the easy smile who cooed at me and called me 'babygirl', where did they go? These were my thoughts, as I chewed my foot and blew raspberries into the air, deep in thought......... as a 3-month old.
My siblings must have gathered around me in my crib, all four of them, sighing in love or rolling their eyes (lol) in compassion and in a flash jumping right into the role of parenting.
If you know babies at all, you'd know they are the neediest creatures on the planet. They have to be cleaned, fed, rocked, loved, burped, amused. Back then, babies used nappies not diapers; water not wipes; human rockers not battery-powered ones; bum air-baths not psuedocream.
For my siblings, the supposed fun, adventure known as their teenage years quickly became a blur of nappie pins, Farley's rusks and midnight babysitting. However, they sucked it up, gave the Sparta war-cry and took care of me as a team; they did it excellently well too!
My siblings are there when I need them and even when I don't. We don't always agree, which makes it all the more colorful, but we support each other in whatever way, most especially in prayers.
These days we are all busy. We catch up from time to time. I'll never really be able to completely repay them for having my back and making sure I always had on spanking-clean nappies that year, but I can requite with my unconditional sib-loving, prayers and confessions for their lives!
What's your fondest memory of your siblings? How often do you pray for your siblings? How often do you insert their name in scripture and bless them?
It's not enough to wish your siblings well; they need your love and prayers. Happy Siblings Day!
Leah's Story | When your Dad sells you: Buy One, Get One Free
If you've ever seen the words "Repeat class" or "Retake course" on your report card, the realization of those words come with dramatic chest palpitations, a huge feeling of inadequacy, you lean on the wall to steady yourself and take quick successive breaths- if you are a drama queen.
However, what your teacher or course director is really trying to say is, "*insert your name*, you need to get 'IT'; you just have to get 'IT' before I can let you move on to the next level".
"IT", being the general gist and point of enrolling in this class in the first place.
I've repeated too many times to count now. Well, I've never actually repeated an academic class, but my life lesson classes, sometimes, are stuck on repeat. My 'forgiveness' class probably took 4 years to pass, with a D (aka room for improvement, mildly speaking).
Early in the year, a story caught my eye about a woman who just didn't get IT either and it took her a pretty long while to figure out what life lesson she was supposed to be learning. It was the story of Leah; the least-slaying girl in the bible (we'll get to that in a bit).
Leah was the third wheel in Jacob and Rachel's relationship. Leah was Rachel's older sister and was given to Jacob as a wife because in their culture, it wasn't cool for the older daughter to remain single, while her little sister ran in tall meadows and rolled around in the hay with the man of her dreams. It just wasn't allowed. So, her dad, Laban, tossed her as a surprise add-on into Jacob's cart. Talk about discounted merchandise. Imagine what that would have done to the poor girl's esteem!
Leah, by the way was not a hottie, it was clearly stated in the bible and when the bible denies you as a hottie, best believe. She wasn't slaying, was definitely not styling or fleeking or whatever. Basically, she was this girl that dad was really, really trying to get rid of; that Jacob did not want AT ALL; that her sister probably despised because she kind of stole her man and that girl whose esteem needed a little a lot of a ummph!
Here are some quick facts about this story: Jake had always been in love with Rachel; Rachel was also in love with Jake; Leah was in love with Jacob but no one cared. Really. No one. Not even me, not until last January when the true impact and relevance of this girl's story hit me right in the face.
Where were we? Yeah, no one cared, I imagine Jacob and Rachel running around a tree (or a cactus), carving their names into it and blushing at each other, then suddenly, Leah comes into the scene, looking for some carve-blush-love action, but that never happened. Rachel and Jake paid her no attention at all and Leah complained incessantly about it.
Then God noticed, that she was unloved! He actually noticed and because of that He gave her children. Why did He give her children? Was that supposed to make up for her love-cactus denial and love starvation? I've wondered about this since January. Then one day, I realized, He gave her the kids to teach her something; but what?
When Leah had the first baby, she thought to herself, 'Yay, Jake is so going to love me! *Sigh*! My initials will finally be carved into that cactus!'
Baby Rueben came, no one cared.
She got pregnant again, she thought, 'OK, this isn't a drill. He will love me this time!'
Baby Simeon came, crickets.
Then Baby Levi, nothing. No roses, no party, no blue stone of the Nile. Nothing. Just the same ol' crickets.
It was after this baby IT hit her! Jacob was never going to love her or her kids (in fact, it was later recorded that Jacob loved Joseph, Rachel's son, so much that he gave him the famous coat of many colors. He didn't love Leah's kids that much).
On Leah's delivery of her fourth child, she finally got what God was trying to teach her all along!
When her fourth son, Judah, came along, she said "This time, I will praise the Lord." When I read this scripture in January, for the first time, I initially thought she had given up hope on being loved by Jake but in actual fact, she had gotten IT! She got what God was trying to teach her. You see, God had been chasing after her maniacally! He wanted Leah. He chose Leah. He wanted her to turn her attention from pining for Jake's love. He wanted her to look and focus on him. The unwanted, unpretty, third-wheel, non-slaying, add-on wife was being chased by the God of all things!
He chose her. I can't get over that! This has excited me for about 3 months now, that a person that people do not regard as important would be chosen by God.
“God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being may boast in the presence of God”
It took Leah 4 children, to understand that God was saying to her "Hey, darling, stop trying to get that guy to fall in love with you. Psst. Fall in love with me."
Sometimes we hear stories like this: "God is not giving them children because he wants their attention." And we think God is this mean, stingy person who only knows to withhold before he gives but that's not who he is! He gave Leah tons of children to get her attention! And then one day, Leah got IT; and from her, son, Judah came Jesus Christ, the Saviour of all mankind, 36 generations later.
The day we get IT, heaven begins to unwind the scrolls of our destinies.
Psst! Get IT. Fall in Love with Him!
I hope you enjoyed this post! If you know someone who might need it, please share!