What's so Wrong with 'Woman on Top'?
I have written 4 separate drafts of this post, each at least 400 words long. In all of them, i sound a little crazed, and mildly temperamental. Lol. It's what happens when it occurs to me that in 2016, women are still fighting for rights. This post is void of all sentiments, which i've found is a great way to think clearly.
I have a question, what is so bothersome about a woman being in the same league as men?
This is a happy read, so put your guards down. For the people who thought this post was about sexual positions, sorry.
Women, we WILL get those rights, the right to make as much as men, to get the same educational and occupational opportunities, to own property, to speak freely. However, we all need to want these rights, not just some of us. Women are wonderful beings, but still in this age, solidarity still has to be preached to us!
We are sentimental individuals and we are heavy on those emotions, right? We make a lot of our decisions based on how we feel, in addition to our skills and that's great! It's an amazing selling point for us. We bring intuition and human concern into board rooms and warmth into the lives of those around us but we also bring other negative emotions too, sometimes. These emotions are usually targeted at other women. I've been a recipient of some of these "emotions" from women i was subordinate to. Why? Maybe because i was young, sometimes older women dislike younger women; maybe because i had long, skinny legs. These were the reasons my friends gave me for my superiors' behaviors. To be honest, i would have given them those legs, if i could. Lol. Seriously though, we need to be more supportive of one another.
Men mentor one another, men help each other, men recommend one another for positions....even if they dislike the other person. Surveys and studies show all these. For women though, that's not how we roll. We backbite, gossip, snicker, bully each other and think a system will take us seriously? The rights start with us. We need to respect one another, value each others' rights and honor other women.
Men, empowering women does not mean you'll lose status or that we'll take over the world. Haha, if we wanted to take over the world, Eve would have eaten that fruit, all of it and given Adam nothing. She'd have made a smoothie and planned a flawless, instant world take-over, while Adam ran around with butterflies.
No human should have to beg for a better quality of life. Women shouldn't have to struggle to be as successful as any man. Success shouldn't be an unachievable luxury.
Being 'the man of the house', means that you protect, nurture and beautify the woman and not oppress her. You should decorate and honor her, encourage her to follow her dreams. Find a good balance for raising your kids. Don't blackmail her or make her feel bad for wanting more. Don't bully her to stroke your ego. That's distasteful (And distasteful isn't trending). Please, defend women in public and speak up, don't just be quiet and watch your sisters, nieces, wives, mothers struggle for rights that are theirs.
For the Christians who use the bible as an excuse to subjugate women, my peeps, Jesus Christ came to empower women. The woman with the constant period, yes, the society-reject who everyone 'eww-ed' at, he restored and reintegrated her into the community. Mary M, the most sultry girl out there, who was a prostitute, was his friend. He helped her choose a better life. He hung out with Mary and Martha. On the cross, in his pain and sorrow, he made living arrangements for his mum! Luke 8: 1-3 names women who gave Jesus money for his ministry; working women who financially empowered Jesus! Then you say, women should not be empowered? Are you kidding me?!
Fix the problem, don't be the problem.
xx
The Yoruba Demon-Angel Hybrid
In the post on Yoruba demons, we established that women are into bad boys. When My friend, Tee (who is a self- proclaimed Yoruba angel) read the post, he protested! He felt like there was absolutely no hope for all the good boys out there. If girls are biologically programmed to fall in love with bad boys, then what hope exists for the good guys? Did it mean he had to become a bad boy? Did nature hate good guys? No Tee, you don't have to be a bad boy to get the girl. Nature doesn't hate you, on the contrary, it loves you!
From observation, i've noticed that the good boy actually sights the girl first, and the bad boy notices her, much, much later ( because the bad boy is too self-absorbed and is swimming already in a cascading stream of women). However, on the long run the girl ends up with the bad boy. Pray tell me why?! If you were the first to see this beautiful girl, why would some other guy come along and whisk her away? Answer: Because good boys say nothing when they like a girl. Nothing. Nahda. This is from experience.
For all the good guys out there, who have lost the loves of their lives to a Yoruba demon, it's probably because you were taking your sweet time. Then science nails this baby on the head; a study shows that ...Argh.. I love science...a study by Michigan State University, shows that women would mostly choose the first man who approaches her. This is because women are risk averse and quite frankly we don't know when the next best guy will come along. So we abide by the bird-in-hand principle. If every good boy who spotted that girl first made the first move, think of all the happy couples that would be out there right now!
Nature apparently doesn't hate good guys by letting the bad guys get the girl. It, in fact gives everyone a fair chance. It especially gives good guys the upper hand with the first-come, first-speak, first-get rule. But like I said, the good boys shuffle their feet, put their hands behind their back, open their mouth and nothing comes out!
Girls fall for the bad boy because he's assertive, confident, exciting. Wouldn't it be great if we had an angel-demon hybrid who is actually fully angel but has the qualities that attract women to the bad boys; a loving, respectful, romantic, who remembers important dates and is also assertive, fun and makes the first move.
Of course, sometimes both a good guy and a bad guy make their move and she still picks the bad guy. Sigh. It's still about the excitement.
I remember one time I wanted to make this good-boy/bad-boy decision. I won't say who I chose but let's just say....I stumbled on a study to justify my actions. Watch this, you are going to love it.....and probably pass out from shock.
A study from the University of Virginia showed that people would rather put themselves in "harmful" situations than be bored. The subjects of this study were put in an empty room with absolutely nothing to do. The only thing available to them was a device with which they could electrocute themselves. After hours of being bored out of their skulls, the subjects were seen to administer small doses of electric shock to themselves! Best believe. People really, really, really, really hate being bored, which is exactly what girls think will happen when we end up in a relationship with a good guy.
So, if people would rather be electrocuted than bored, this implies and further strengthens the claim that women would really rather risk getting electrocuted by a bad guy than be in a mellow relationship. (LoL! I can't help thinking about hairs on end and everyone looking like Doc from Back to the Future in that room)
So good boys, how about that hybrid?
The Truth About #TeamNatural
I have natural hair but i never talk about it. You see, my natural hair and I have a Samson-Samson hair relationship. It has a mind of its own and sometimes we fight (physically) and end up not speaking to each other. We find ourselves in that situation where I do not "LOC", comb or twist it and in turn, it does everything it can, to make me look crazy. Tit for Tat.
However, i enjoy watching other girls be proud of their advancements. I love the girls on YouTube, they are the only reason I cut my hair in the first place because I knew there was a huge resource of natural hair hacks and care routines to draw from.
They make it look so easy though. No one ever gives you the ‘A-hem, this thing is work’ talk. The same way mothers never tell their daughters about labour in detail. Lol.
I think about relaxing my hair every week. I do. Every single week. Then i remember my whole shelf of natural hair products, supplements and the $500 i must have spent on hairpins.
There are days that i want to shave my head bald with Ed's clippers, walk around town and air-bath my scalp. *grunt* All these laments, still, i've never regretted going natural. My hair does this thing where it shrinks to a fifth of its size and makes me look like a member of the Commodores but I love it still. It grows out unadulterated and untamed. It drives me nuts but then all I have to do is dig my fingers into my roots and I feel the deepest sense of pride for this dark thicket of crazy curls! My merry fuss.
I speak for everyone myself when I say, this hair thing is work! It's time consuming, the hair is like its own person and drinks products in gulps.
If you are planning to go natural, then, let me tell you; you are about to have really strong arms, long chats with your hair, a very patient, nurturing temperament, at least 8 bottles of essential oils and all the pride in the world!
Happy 1 year anniversary to my hair. Well, 1 year and 18 days. We haven't been talking for 18 days.
Are you natural? How far along are you? Do you have a perm? Would you ever try this crazy road?
The Time Grandma Walked from Ibadan to Lagos (no joke)
My grandma walked from Ibadan to Lagos and back, several times. I know that just sounded like a spontaneous playground fable; almost a probable response during ‘My-grandma-is-better-than-Your-grandma-war’. It’s the truth though, she walked 260 kilometers whenever she had to go to Lagos, which was quite often. She was a trader who would go to Lagos sometimes, to buy her goods; and, well, back then, feet were the new Über.
She was a remarkably strong woman. She died at almost 100 years. In her final years, she was still funny and chatty. She handed out relationship tips on a whim (don’t ask) and had her wits about her, a little too much too. However, she wasn’t the same young entrepreneur who would have bounded down the street and walked 260 kilometers in a weekend. No, not anymore. She hardly walked 50 feet even. Strength fades. Hey, Selah.
We all have our physical strengths (some more than others). We also have our other strengths; our mental strengths, spiritual, emotional, financial, intellectual strengths. Definitely, some more than others. In fact, i’ve come to realize that in the places where i struggle, someone else is doing extraordinarily well! Yup, our weaknesses are the strengths of others and our strengths, the weaknesses of others. In the past, i often wondered about people who were lacking in my areas of strength. Why wouldn’t they be strong? ‘It’s easy. Look, watch me do it. Trust me it is’, I’d say, but they sometimes struggled. It bothered me.
Then one day, i realized that my strengths had a higher purpose. They were not mine to begin with, they were for those around me who are weak; those that struggled and who could not do 10 feet, when i did 260 kilometers.
Sometimes we think about how better-off we are, as a member of a race or group or class, how better we are than our friends or family, how pretty and popular we are, how decisive and emotionally strong we are, how spiritually fervent we are, while others around us struggle with meager strength portions.
Good news again, strength fades. During the moments when we are strong, we need to optimize this strength by being there for the people who need it and not to hit them over the head with it.
Of course, i needed nothing less than a screwdriver and a spanner to reconfigure my mind to think this way; to think that all my awesomeness is really not my own.
Don’t be stuck on my self-profession of my awesomeness. I am awesome. You are awesome. We all are, in one way or the other. It’s a God-given ability and gift. We, after all, were made in his image. These gifts, though are to be used to help people up when they are down-trodden and out. It was what Jesus did. He was strong for us till death and even after death. It’s the whole essence of Easter. One man being strong for us all, so that the weak could have a chance at life eternal.
“He makes us strong for a while, so we can help one another.”
Hello, World!
4 Kid-Habits that are secretly Life-Hacks
Little people are synonymous with the word "unjaded". All they care about is...well, nothing. Their carefree attitudes cause them to have a unique perspective on life and to act in certain ways which we as adults sometimes fail to grasp. I mean, yes, they drive us up the wall sometimes but other times, they are completely wise and so worthy of emulation! Here are 4 habits to hack life with; habits that come naturally to children that we simply must adopt:
Laugh
Children laugh. They laugh over 400 times a day. I'm guessing this is because they don't have any worries, no bills, no Instagram like-scarcity, they definitely don't watch the news, just purple suede dinosaurs and talking moon-faced trains. I'm not sure we'd find 400 events to laugh at in a day as adults. We can fake-laugh though; it's something my niece taught me. Laugh for absolutely no reason!
Ask Questions
A typical 4-year old asks about 437 questions in one day. Lol! Mums and dads can probably testify. I'll be sure to introduce my children to Siri as soon as they can speak or redirect the questions to daddy. I'm joking. I think the reason adults get irritable with all those questions is because we've lost the sparkle of wonder and curiosity....and we are tired half of the time.
We have to re-learn curiosity. Ask questions. Note to self.
Develop Offense-Amnesia
Kids are the best. Have you ever been upset with a child, and then they apologize, but you are still a little upset? Or have you ever made a child cry and THEY come to hug you and apologize? In a flash, they've moved on and started playing with their toys or coloring a picture and showing it to you? There's just a purity about their souls that shouldn't be lost in adulthood either.
Make good decisions
Children do the right thing (well, most of the time). According to a study conducted by the Yale Infants Cognitive Centre, it turns out we are born with the innate ability to make the right decisions. In this study, babies as young as 3 months old, observed two puppet bunnies in a puppet show; one dressed in green, one in orange. The bunny dressed in green was seen helping another toy during the puppet show, while the one dressed in orange was mean to the toy. When asked to choose one, the babies chose the bunny dressed in green(the helpful bunny). The babies chose the "good" bunny! Watching the video, is almost unbelievable. There really is an innate ability to tell right from wrong, to make the right decision.
Make good decisions guided by your innate moral convictions!
Do you have little people in your life? What's the best part about hanging with them? Any life lessons?
My Netflix on Steriods
Epics are my thing. I've watched '300' too many times to count. My favorite line is "For tonight, we dine in hell!!!" And if you read that line without Leonaidas' crazy eyes, you need to read it again....this time complete with the crazy-eye look. My favorite movie is 'The Gladiator', I was a sucker for 'Brave heart'. As a child, i’d stand in front of the TV, and sing along with Whitney and Mariah to 'When you believe', watching 'Prince of Egypt' for the umpteenth time. I'd be Thor every Halloween, if I celebrated it. True Epic fan, right here.
Now Hollywood (and Nollywood) movie makers don't spend all their budget on Epics, they have other supposedly important genres to attend to as well *rme*. So, i've found a solution to my Epic scarcity-- the books of the Kings and Chronicles. The stuff going on in those books; when i project them in HD in my mind, i'm like 'Plot twist! Get the popcorn!'
The bible, itself, is like Netflix on steroids. There's so much intrigue, spy action (Joshua), combat, comedy, Bollywood-type romance (Songs of Solomon), sci-fi (for real, Jesus walking on water, only that it isn't fiction and it completely defies science),
Animation...Animation....no animation. Well, Balam's talking donkey though. Does that count?
I’m currently listening to Revelations and it doesn’t fit into any genre. There's so much war and carnage, beasts, dragons, killer locust, demons. The best, however, is the way it ends, with God, us, tons of precious stones and pearly gates! Now that's pretty epic ♥️
What's your favorite book of the bible? What's your favorite genre?
Lessons from the Bosses of Spring Cleaning
Last weekend, I did some form of home spring cleaning, not because it's the beginning of spring and i adhere strictly to the spring cleaning calendar but because we can't find our TV remote! It has been missing for about 5 weeks now. Quite frankly, I don't know what to do, considering the fact that Game of Thrones is starting soon. Sigh. Anyway, this weekend, I plan to repeat the process. I'm planning on going into every cold, dark nook and cranny. I'm going to be so thorough even the founders of spring cleaning would be proud.
Spring cleaning is a practice that is believed to have originated with the Jews. These spring cleaning pioneers would clean their homes so intensely in anticipation of Passover, ensuring that their homes were rid of leaven bread or anything containing yeast. I always thought they just couldn't eat the leaven bread during that period, but actually, even pieces and crumbs of yeasty food couldn't be present. It had to be spanking cleaning! They even had a candlelight search of corners and spaces for these crumbs, much to the distress of mice. Now tell me if i look for my remote like this, wouldn't i have found it? I'm adopting these cleaning/searching practices immediately!
This weekend the plan is to spring clean; both the living areas and my virtual areas. My virtual areas are little more unruly than my living area. Here are a few areas i'm planning to systemically tidy, you could consider giving it a swab too!
1. Phone Apps: My phone looks like my App Store exploded. I need to arrange those accordingly. What does your home screen look like? Do you find yourself searching for an app?
2. Emails: I get about 40 emails a day. Mostly from people telling me to buy stuff; get 20% off this, 40% off this. No one ever says 80%! I politely turned down a cashier on Tuesday, when she asked for my email address.
No 80% off, no email. I'm kidding. It felt good turning it down though.
3. Communication and Affiliation: Toxic affiliations and influences need to be cut off. If every time you speak to a person, you feel awful after, it's probably a leaven-crumb situation. Sweep. That also goes for people who advice you without your best interest at heart. Sweep.
4. Mind: Out with the grudge specks and resentment crumbs. Sometimes, you can't stand a person and you think it's ok not to, until it morphs into hate. Let it go. Grudges and choosing not to forgive is so time-energy-health-and-life consuming. Why hold a grudge when you can eat sharwama after a spa day and dream about the day you'll finally get 80% off!
Please pray for me that I find my remote, I really don't want to buy another.
Something tells me that remote might be in the freezer....
What are you spring cleaning this season?
How to Comment Anonymously (PGI info)
I'm still not giving up on the Silentós. For the die-hard Silentós though, the like button is back! I have been asked to do a post on commenting anonymously, so here it is! Hope it helps!
#1
Type out your comment. Click 'Post comment'. You will be prompted to sign in. To sign in, tap/click the profile which I've circled below in pink.
You can also sign in with Facebook, google+, squarespace and twitter
#2
Type in whatever name you like. If you'd like your comment signed 'Anonymous', then type in 'Anonymous' as your name! Click 'login'. It's that easy.
Everything is all mysterious today! Read the mystery-themed post previously published here!
Have fun commenting! x