How to Ward off Bae-Predators!
The world was a large place arranged in order by the careful and deliberate actions of the creator. Now, in the begining, he made man and woman. It was a pair (a him-her kinda project). Things were good, strolls were taken naked and everything was just plain organic and airy.
Then came the serpent; suddenly, "him" and "her" ate a fruit, everything went south, disorder took over, lions began to eat us for lunch, couture was born and most importantly, side-chics appeared.
Since the appearance of side-chics (a.k.a boo-poachers, a.k.a bae-predators), everyone has gone crazy and back trying to understand the best way to deal with this societal dysfunction. These days women look over their shoulders and skitter around like mice, looking through baes' phone, emails, bank statements, checking for the slightest semblance of infidelity, eyeing him suspiciously as he chuckles at his phone....all......because....... of....... one........ fruit.
These poachers are everywhere, just last month in fact, at a funeral, some lady found Ed quite remarkable and whispered, "Hey, dark hot chocolate" as she passed by him. Ha! All over, I tell you, in crevices and cracks, hanging off the walls and slithering through grocery stores and even funerals!
Have no fear though! Once again, we have science to thank for another relationship hack. A couple of months back i stumbled on a study from the University of Minnesota which discussed a discovery of the ultimate territory marking ingredient! Imagine if it works, we might be on the verge of solving an ancient disturbingly habitual social impairment.
So what is it? What is this salt that wards away the vampire?
One word.
Handbags. Two words actually.
Luxury Handbags.
Studies show that the display of luxury items ward off potential bae-predators. Hmmm.
They discovered that women who carry designer bags or shoes come off to relationship-hyenas as stable, as well as having loving devoted partners!
These affair-friendly females reported that they would think twice before pursuing a man who was on a date with a woman with luxury accessories! It didn't even matter if they were told that the luxury item was bought by the woman herself and not the man. They just believed the man had something to do with the provision of these items and believe when a man buys expensive things for his significant other, it means he is vested in the relationship. It's a double whammy, new bags 😍 and territory marking.
Nevertheless, luxury bags probably aren't a sustainable solution. Imagine you invest in a pricey item based on this post and for the first few years, you go everywhere with this bag and bae; what if you can't buy anymore of these expensive bags and the predator sees you 15 years later with the same now-weathered bag, all thread bare and stressed, she'd probably figure out it was just a poor front that she should have ignored 15 years ago. Predator-mode activated!
Therefore, instead of lugging around the 15 year-old hustle-satchel, here's a more sustainable way; ensure your relationship has the highest standard of love, friendship, transparency, communication, honesty and of course, a handbag fund.
What are your thoughts? Anyone finding bae chocolatey? What really is this world coming to (rhetoric question, except you have an answer!)
Eat Your Way to Creativity: 15 Foods That Light Up Your Mind!
According to this study, your creative ability is closely linked to a little seahorse-shaped structure in the brain, known as the hippocampus! The hippocampus is that bad boy in charge of your learning, long-term memory, organizing and storage of past knowledge and experiences.
Take a moment to recall your most thrilling moment as a 7 year-old, as you buried your face into that awesome piece of birthday cake, pause, then take a moment to remember your worst memory- that silly bully on the playground with no front teeth. Remember? Yup, that's your hippocampus working. Now, mentally locate yours (it's close to the center of your brain) and thank it for a job well done. Amazingly, studies also show that this sea-horsey structure is closely related to our ingenuity and the backbone for creative thinking. In fact, this study shows people with damaged hippocampi lose their ability to imagine.
Gasp!
Imagine if all writers, painters, artists, musicians, art-enthusiasts, mums(the most creative of the lot) lost their imagination! Imagine if the writer of Game of Thrones lost his!! I honestly, I'm close to tears right now at the thought, then we'd never know what happened to Jon Snow! (Now we know *updated August 2016)
Ok, the real reason you clicked on this post: the food.
The hippocampus is a fitfam-ish kind of structure. It remains healthy as long as you feed it with foods that are high in Omega 3 fatty acids, Vitamins A, D, E, Zinc and Flavonoids. Here are 15 foods packed with all these creative juices (in no particular order):
1. Fish
High in Omega 3 fatty acids, Vitamin A, D and E. Fishes are so amazing they deserve their own post (coming up soon).
2. Flax seeds
Rich in Omega 3. Sprinkle some ground flax seeds in your smoothie before blending!
3. Green tea
High in and catechins! Don't steep with boiling water, use moderately hot water and add some lemon juice for better absorption of nutrients!
4. Liver
Rich in Vitamin A and iron! To be consumed in moderation, over consumption could lead to toxicity! Limit to 10, 000 international units daily.
5. Cocoa
Rich in flavonoids! SHOULD BE EATEN IN MODERATION. Cocoa is 50% fat and has a high sugar content.
6. Blueberries
Rich in vitamin A, C, potassium, manganese, anthocyanins and flavonoids! Divine in smoothies!
7. Mushrooms
Hold your breath for what mushrooms pack; Vitamin B, Zinc, Copper, Niacin, Phospholate, Folate, (Mushrooms aren't kidding here), Iron, Thiamin, Selenium, Panthothenic Acid. #HappyHippocampus
8. Almonds
Huge source of Vitamin E and B complexes just like mushrooms. Grab a handful a day, in between meals and chew away (I tried it with garri once, not too bad, i must say).
9. Avocados
Avocados = Super-uper food! They provide about 20 essential nutrients and are very rich in Vitamin E, Vitamin B and folic acid!
10. Spinach
Rich source of Vitamin A and C
11. Cod-liver oil
Rich in Omega 3 fatty acids, Vitamin A, D and K!
12. Dairy/ Dairy Alternatives
High in Vitamin D.
13. Broccoli
High in fiber, very high in vitamin C, potassium, B6 and vitamin A and protein!
14. Sweet Potatoes
High in Vitamin A and C!
15. Bell Peppers
Rich in Vitamin A, B, C and E!
Treat your body right as you create and change the world with your wonderful creative mind; exercise and feed that brain! It goes without saying that we have to protect the hippocampi of our creative people in the world (think Jon Snow). Send this post to as many as you know! (By the way, we all create. Being creative is not exclusive. This applies to you too! Eat your way to creativity)
OMS- I Laugh At These Skinny Girls
Off my shelf (OMS), today, is Tolu Akinyemi's exquisitely crafted poetry collection, "I Laugh At These Skinny Girls." Poetry for People Who Hate Poetry.
He literally just made poetry accessible to those of us that zoned-out and nodded our way through Ulysses in Literature class. Wait....did we read Ulysses? I can't even remember but we read a bunch of JP Clarks, I think.
I can assure you, if Tolu's book was a literature book in SS2, my arm would be permanently raised in Literature class.....instead of the eye-dodging professional I became with my Lit. teacher. The fiction selection was a bit zone-out-friendly too...
Teacher: Have you all read chapter 1 to 3 of Anthills of the Savannah?
Students (chorus of lies): Yesssssss!
Teacher: Ike, mention 5 themes from Anthills of the Savannah.
Me: *Zoned out already, thinking about Britney Spears new song* Errrrr.......Ants?
*Blink*
Rough times.
Anyway, if you love poetry, you'll love it and if you hate poetry, so would you! If you like being amused, it's packed with wit, while touching on significant and current issues in our society, so get a copy here or there!
This is not a sponsored post. I just read like a nerd.
Must Read: Finding "X"!
Three weeks ago I received a letter from a reader nicknamed Skip. I've traveled, slept, stared into space, chewed Rice Krispies absentmindedly, mulling over this letter, over the questions he asked me. It took me quite a while to figure out what the right response would be. Eventually, I told him the truth.
With Skip's permission here's his letter. Feel very free to respond in the comments section below! (Lix is the nickname dubbed me by this equally aliased person)
Dear Lix,
Any assumption you make about how miserably poor I was at basic arithmetic is right! Actually, only the absolute worst assumption would be right. It was that bad! Solving the supposedly simple sums almost ruined my greatness, but I graduated primary school, eventually. So you can imagine what happened to my super-hero-life in secondary school when simultaneous equations got into the mix. But what’s a super hero without a nemesis?
………. find x
Arrrrgh! This damn question or instruction or whatever.
The frustration it brought me was almost spiritual, I was hopeless, like I was born without the requisite skills to find "x". And come to think of it, it could have been a medical condition. I bet there’s medical research going on right now somewhere; I bet there’s a support group somewhere for folks living with this condition.
Anywhoz, I just didn’t gerrit, I could never find x.
What’s your story? How did it make you feel? Did it bother you too or were you better than me? I bet you were better than me and you found "x" all the time. I can feel your self-righteousness from here sef; mtchewwwww! Lol!
And my imagination Lix, sometimes I would just drift during tests and stare at the ceiling; who was this being asking me to find x? I used to picture Gandalf. Sometimes it was my old primary school math teacher. He was mean and probably a wizard too.
Sometimes they were together, Gandalf and my old primary school math teacher.
They would sit and laugh, share stories about my previous tests and mock me.
The fun they had during my London GCSE Math exam! And I ended up with a ‘U’ grade too. Lix, there’s the A* and the A grade, then B and C, then D, then E, and then there’s F for Fail, followed by ‘Absent’ and finally U for ‘unclassified’. You can imagine the kind of intense nonsense I must have written to be graded lower that someone who was absent.
Are you still proud of me? Are you close to buying the ‘medical condition’ theory yet?
The ultimate humor is how confident and sure I always was about "x". I always thought I found "x" until the teacher said I didn’t, until I got my test score.
I’ve always wondered why anyone needed "x" anyway, why so necessary? Why so frequently? Like why is it so important and what is it supposed to do? What happens when you find x? The right x.
One time, after all was said and done, I found x and I was certain. There was no confusion; her smile, the way she looked at me and how she made me feel, this was it. If there ever was an x, this was the most confident I had ever been.
She was vivacious. She looked like I like, walked like I like, thought like I like and prayed like I like. What more could I ask for? And what she saw in me, when she spoke about me; the best medicine.
She always built me up.
Whatever went wrong?
My best answer has always been timing. Timing not because she was older, timing not because she was ready to settle waaay ahead of time and I wasn’t. Maybe her fault was being right at the wrong time.
There was no doubt she was right, there is no doubt. She was definitely x, the right x. Errrr okay Lix, I know. I know I shouldn’t be taken seriously as to what x is, isn’t or what it should be, but she felt so right, the only heart I ever broke.
How the hell then do you find x? Not just any x though, but the right x? Is there an x for every phase? Is there really an absolute right x that works out the theory of everything or do you just find any x and make it right? Did every couple find the right x or are they just getting by?
..one x to rule them all, one x to find them,
one x to bring them all and in the darkness bind them..
…hehehe… straightface.
You’ve found x Lix. Tell me.
I always thought I found x until the teacher said I didn’t, until I got my test score.
On your sofa,
Skip.
A Tale of Outsourced Sex
Everyone knows that awkward Sarah-Ab-Hagar triangle, right? Not your typical everyday story; Sarah and Ab are trying to have a kid, God says 'Chill guys, I got you.' Sarah really really wants a kid but more for Ab than herself. At a certain point, she doesn't even care if this kid comes from her or not, so she sends Abraham and Hagar (her maid/ housegeh) away for the weekend; personally buys Hagar's lingerie, packs a hamper full of dark chocolate, some red, some juicy pomegranates and pays for their stay at Funky Oasis Adults Only resort. There was no way the girl was returning without at least one fertilized egg.
For a long time, I thought that was a selfless act; Sarah: the most selfless, giving wife that ever will be (because ain't no other girl in this day and age would doing any of that)
Sarah of life!
Even before Accenture ever dreamt of developing optimization frameworks for operational and infrastructural efficiency and outsourcing.....Sarah was already right there, outsourcing the heck out of her duties, optimizing and renting out certain infrastructure.
Of course, she later came to regret it, as would any woman, who outsources her role as wife, lover and custodian of the South-End wonderland of her husband. Not only did Hagar return with a fertilized egg, she also returned with an attitude, which in my opinion was all Sarah's doing. You just don't outsource a man's junk like that, girl! Not for any reason!
Of course, we all think this doesn't happen any more in this century. That was 1872 B.C.E, this is 2016! No woman is going to tell her husband to sleep with the maid; no woman outsources. Those were my thoughts too. Then two weeks back as I poured my cake batter into the baking pan, a thought dropped straight into my mind: We still outsource our husband's needs! It's subtle and Hagar-less but we still do; all the things we get frustrated dealing with, or stuff we've taken for granted, like talking about his day...in detail, like putting down your phone and actually relating with him, like not bringing work home, like not developing the mystery headache...all these things really just create a void. A void willing to be filled by other people.
This is the truth, i'm not trying to sound like those bearded aunties who tell you "Ah. Someone will steal your husband of you don't "cooperate." I'm not, but maybe 'beardy' Aunty Ava does have a point.
Take Vashti for example, she did not "cooperate" and guess who came along with advanced submission and respect-your-bae skills printed all over her CV? Esther!
Be his best friend, his priestess, his helpmate, the source of his wise counsel, his naughty lil' thing! They aren't duties or obligations, they are your rights and they really are part of who you were destined to be since the beginning of the world.
Letters to my Greatgrand Daughter- Why You Don't Deserve to be Happy
Dear Charly,
You do not deserve to be happy. Yes, I said it! YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!
You deserve joy-the highest form of it. You should want to climb to the top of a mountain and scream in delight, just because you can. You shouldn't have to pout and sulk because you lost a job or can't find Mr. Right or be sentenced to moodiness because Mr. Kinda-Right is acting up. Joy is that sparkly ball of tickled delight that bubbles unconditionally somewhere from your mid-gut, somewhere between your large intestines and stomach.
Oh Charly, if there is a man who makes you just plain ol' happy, i hope you are beginning to see how ordinary, common and unexciting that is. Happiness is dependent on variable factors; people, money, success, jewelry, makeup (don't ask), friends. They all have one thing in common, the lack of the consistency and the permanent ability to keep you in a constant state of happiness! So if Mr. Kinda-Right or even Mr. Right makes you happy, good for him, the day he doesn't feel too giving, guess what you'll have bobbing around your intestines? Joy! Crazy, infectious joy.
True, there is a time to cry and pout, certainly, but make sure it doesn't overwhelm you to the point of hopelessness. Endeavor not to crumble under heartbreaks and disappointments. My first heartbreak was very similar to the 6th layer of Dante's description of hell. I was lost to the world, whenever I was conscious, and whenever I fell asleep I sighed in relief as I slipped into oblivion, temporarily rid of the evil and pain on the earth. Every time I saw him, it would feel like my heart had been ripped from my chest severally and there was nothing left. It was the first time I would subject my state of joy to a person; unfortunately that wouldn't be the last time. I learnt much too late to learn to keep my state of mind independent of the willful actions of other humans or expectations. How about this- You be the one who infects with this beautiful thing called joy. It requires a conscious effort and a permanent reminder that you are full of so much love and positivity that, really, it's a wonder you haven't imploded! Your joy is from within and your internal environment must always be kept in a constant state of controlled delight, let nothing have access to it.
“Joy comes when you make peace with who you are, where you are, why you are, and who you are not with. When you need nothing more than your truth and the love of a good God to bring peace, then you have settled into the abiding joy that is not rocked by relationships. It’s not rocked by anything.”
So, you see you do not deserve to be happy. Not even a little.
Love,
GreatGran x
Why "Yoruba Demons" are Here to Stay
Here's a conversation between my friend and I:
My friend: I enter wedding receptions these days and everywhere I turn, I see "Yoruba demons"
Me: *laughing uncontrollably*
My friend: Yes, o! And they always look so good! Fresh, with their full beards, wearing their black native and staring at you from behind their sunglasses
Me: Ehn just don't look at them na, sit down far far away from them
My friend: *sighs ruefully*
Me: *Sigh in solidarity because I know how we girls do like the quintessential bad boy*
Fact: Girls love them some Yoruba demons. We like the psycho ones that stare at us from behind the dark lenses; the ones who make us feel uneasy and uncertain; the guy that says like 5 words per day , that smells like a Tom Ford lab and throws us an occasional side grin. Yes, The one that uses his eyeball-print as the passcode to his phone and has at least 3 aliases- Jimi on the mainland, Jay-Eye on the island and Jim off the shores of Nigeria.
As for the simple, nice guys with the ready grin, one universal name and no passcode on his phone....... though, bleh, not so much.
Why? Why do we tend to fall for the no-good demon and ignore the good guy?
A study shows that we like bad boys because our minds think they might make good fathers for our kids.... I know, they lost me there too. Here's the weird biological explanation.
Women are drawn to bad boys because bad boys are confident, assertive, exciting and the biological interpretation of this to the female mind is that these confident, assertive creatures will produce after their kind, that is, produce confident, assertive children who have a better chance of surviving on the planet. Remember "survival of the fittest", this principle is engrained into our biological psyche and our decision-making process unknowingly depend on it in this case. Somewhere in our minds, the Bad boy is the alpha male and we are drawn to him because we believe he will give us viable offspring that will survive the elements.
Basically at the root of this is the need to procreate and multiply.
Note that in theory, women say they want a nice, adorable guy; the type of guy who treats his girl like a queen and loves her for who she is. But in reality, what she really wants is to fall into the clutches of a bad bad bad boy who will turn her mind to mush and give her demon babies that survive the elements!
That's just jacked up. Lol.
Then the plot thickens, a study shows that we get more to attracted to bad boys when we are ovulating! Tsk! Your own body trying to set you up to be a single parent. I can't believe it. We really are our own worst enemies.
So, if there is a wide-eyed nice guy and a Yoruba demon up for grabs, chances are that the more aggressive guy-demon will be chosen and nice guy gets the bench. The warm friendship bench.
Girls are not stupid though, we know you are bad....so as sharp girls who want to eat their demon and have it, we choose to fix the bad boy; we want him to go to church with us, join the ushering department and submit his phone password. Just like that!
*Blink*
We want Bad boy to retire because we suddenly show up on the scene. It doesn't work that way. You'll realize this once you discover that you can't get the leopard to go spotless or to wear velvet. Demons don't change. I don't know where we get this change idea from.
I blame Disney movies for this false understanding of the concept of change in relationships. There's an implicit understanding that change is guaranteed once you get into a relationship with someone. For example, Beauty and the Beast, the guy changed because she showed up and kissed him; the little Mermaid, she kissed him and changed into a human to be with the guy; Tarzan ditched his hot signature loin cloth for a suit at some point. Since we were kids, fairy tales have been tied to the "He will change. Kiss him, he will change". Ain't no demon changing here. He won't change. If you do kiss him, you'll probably change-into a mum, a single mum thanks to your ovulating ovaries. Sigh. Girls won't stop liking the demons, they are here to stay. As for the good boys, 1 in 3 will eventually become a demon and we'll all live happily ever after.
PGI's January Girl - Joko
I met Joko 6 years ago within the walls of NYSC Lagos orientation camp, Iyana Ipaja. Of course, we spent all free our time in Mammy market, eating indomie and drinking Berry blast on those hot, lazy harmattan afternoons and at night we nibbled pancakes or skewered suya with Milo (little wonder we got fat in camp LOL!). Who says serving the country is not fun?
Anyway, i met this bubbly, fun girl who was an entrepreneur and had mentioned this fact in the first 5 minutes of us meeting. Entrepreneurs my age, 6 years ago, were pretty rare, so i uuuuuuh-ed and aaaaaaah-ed in wonder, in my head. Also, much to my amazement, she had brought along with her to Ipaja, her newly printed business cards, which she handed out to anyone who cared to receive them. For the first time, i was observing a real business owner first hand, networking and actively building a business! It was thrilling and inspiring. She was completely oblivious to the effect she had on me but I think she might have sowed a crazy entrepreneurial seed in me that day. It has been more than a delight seeing her business grow and her passion and hard work payoff over the years.
Jokotade Omojirade Shonowo is the girl behind the renowned PoshClick Portraiture and this exceptionally talented business woman is PGI’s January Girl! She has a Bachelors degree in Microbiology from Olabisi Onabanjo University and made a career change to photography in 2010!
Ok, time to hang with Joko! And we are going straight to the point of this post with the first question!
Joko................Gala or plantain chips?
Plantain Chips
(You can tell a lot about a person from the answer to that question)
How long have you been a professional photographer?
About 6 years now
How did you know this was what you wanted to be and how did you make the career transition?
It wasn't cast in stone from day 1 but I definitely had an unwavering passion for photography and I pursued it against the odds.
I pretty much started photography actively during my service year in 2010 whilst serving at Recreate Consult as the Client Service Representative.
What was the model of your first camera?
Canon 400D
[Thief: Your camera or your phone?
Joko: ?]
My Phone.... In fact, none😂😂😂
Your favorite Photography mentors or blogs?
Ty Bello , Sue Bryce , Elizabeth Messina and Susan Stripling
Where is your favorite place to visit?
Seychelles
Is PoshClick like your second baby?
PoshClick is actually my first baby but of course it had to move over for Demilicious to assume her rightful position.
How many photos of Demi do you have? Rough estimate
Over 5,000
Is she ever there while you work?
Yes, sometimes. In fact, she went with me to a product shoot last week and was extremely good. She’s mummy's little helper😘😘😘
What are your hours like?
I have 20 hour-work-days. I'm a walking zombie sometimes.
How do you get yourself out of bed after a long night working?
I would rather sleep in but the only thing that drags me out of bed after a long work night is a DEADLINE.
What do you love the most about your job?
Finding beauty through my lenses
9 pm, Thursday night what are you doing?
Spending time with family
What was the last item you bought ?
Cod Liver Oil - Orange Flavour
What do you sing in the shower?
Nothing- I’m always quiet, I strategize in the shower
Lagos traffic survival kit?
Good Music/ Good Company , Gum and Water
4 THINGS I LEARNT
1. Do what you love and Network! Even Iyana ipaja NYSC camp is a great networking platform. Who knew?!
2. Set deadlines for yourself and sometimes, be quiet in the shower (Note to Self, Ike!)
3. Follow your Dreams, even as a mum!
4. Orange flavored cod-liver oil exists, i can’t even begin to ask whose idea that was
Thank you so much, Jokotade, for being PGI's January Girl!!! Love you loads!
PoshClick Portraiture:
Phone: +2348023655153
Instagram @poshclick
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