Pinktober or nah?
It's October!!! Pinktober actually, breast cancer awareness month!!!! But unfortunately..... (sorry to dampen the mood), most women do not remember to self-examine the other months of the year. I, definitely, am a happy, enthusiastic boob-kneader in October but in April...not so much. And can you blame us?It's because October is the period when breast cancer awareness peaks and when everyone is running a race for the cause or wearing the pink ribbon. Every month should be boob-month! Pagesbyike will be putting up monthly reminders to get us to feel-up our chest hills a little more often.
Here's a 3-point reminder on how to self-examine!
The boob-stare down
Funny, did you know we spend an average of 55 minutes a day staring at our faces in the mirror? Flipping the mascara, dabbing the lip gloss, making ourselves insta-worthy. If we could just let our eyes drop just a bit to boob-level for 5 minutes to stare at our breasts. Just 5 minutes. Know thy breasts. Seriously. Know everything about them. The shape, color, look out for changes; dimpling, swelling in the nipples. If you saw your boobs in a line-up, you should be able to recognize them in an instant.
The ceiling
(Chimamanda has officially ruined this word for me. Lol. Think Americanah)
Lie down on your back with your face to the ceiling and with one hand behind your head (see illustration), check for any lumps with the pad of your fingers (not your finger tips). If you feel a mass, check the other breast at the same location for a similar mass. If it's there too, its probably a-ok.
The shower
The shower is a great place to check too; 1) because you are, well, naked and 2) because your soapy fingers help to glide along the breast, which i find makes the task easier. Check for the same signs in (1).
Best time to check your breasts: A few days after your period, when it's less sore.
If you find a lump, do not panic. 8 out of 10 discovered lumps are not cancerous, pretty good odds. Schedule an appointment with your care provider and have it examined as soon as possible.
Please remember to share. 40% of diagnosed breast cancers are discovered by women who feel a lump. Let's keep reminding eachother, so that one day, we'll watch that pink ribbon go extinct.
For de Men Dem: Your First Date Kit.
It's the first date!! We all know men like to act like the first date is a 'casual' see-where-it-goes affair, so read the first sentence again without the exclamation marks. They also like to pretend like they don't fall into the frantic "What do i wear?!!" dilemma, so we are going to pretend along side and casually put up this product collage, so they can 'casually' be aware of what might work on this 'casual' event.
Let's jump right in. What are the 5 places on you she will notice first?
If you said eyes, you are wrong! Top 5 places she will look: Your shoes, your shirt, your ankles, your hair, your watch (maybe). That explains #1, #2, #3 and #6a. #6a, being your shirt, if she cares about labels, she will notice a crest, if you care about crests too, well, i guess you both are in luck! Your shirt has to be clean, crested or not, like this #6-guy kinda clean. No recycling for your date! Do not rummage through your laundry bag. Don't. Women have a superior sense of smell, i'm not kidding, click the link to see. We smell everything you can't.
#3 is Coconut oil for your hair, beard (no pressure, unless you are in the beard gang. If you are, then pressure!) and your ankles (we see them). Ashy ankles are one of those things that can only be tagged as preventable. Prevent it. The fact that you smell of coconut is probably an interesting ice-breaker. Hehe.
For a first date, comfort is important. You would already probably have a mild nervous breakdown from being close to her (except you are Bond. James Bond.). I guess its best you dress up in stuff you are comfortable in which brings me to number 6b! Shorts! I'm a great believer in shorts on a first date. It gives her the opportunity to see if it's an Esau or Jacob situation we have going down there and also gives you the opportunity to show off those legs. That is, if you have legs you are proud of. This is only appropriate on certain occasions, obviously and is completely up to you to try out. I don't think i've ever been on a date with someone who was brave enough to wear shorts....ok wait, maybe once. I don't think it was voluntary though. Long story. Only the brave....Pharrel pulled it off on the red carpet more than once. #Justsaying
#4 Handkerchiefs, aren't those extinct! Well, they shouldn't be. You probably need 2, one for drying your nervous perspiration(unless you are so together like Bond. James Bond) and the other for her, just in case she begins to cry for some reason. Maybe she can't believe how perfect you are and how long she has been waiting for someone like you. The things that make us cry......rme*.
#7 Sunglasses are great, but not for the whole duration. She probably wants to see your eyes at some point (except you are crying too, lol). #5 is this really nice bracelet by Paul Hewitt which i couldn't resist putting up. Accessories are great, as long as it's a minimalist effect overall.
I generally wouldn't recommend a tank top for your first date. Why? The armpits. The armpits are NOT a place anyone wants to get acquainted with right after the first "hello", especially if the hair there is of significant volume. Cringe*.
In conclusion, you don't need to have all these items to have a good time. It definitely helps to be neat and well put together and most importantly to have good intentions, which all women wish could be as apparent as your bare legs but she'll have to learn to decipher if you are a hit and run kinda guy all by herself.
If you live anywhere where your leaves are turning various shades of the primary colors already, well, this is probably the last weekend to try to wear this. So goodluck!
**Sheabutter also works wonders on ashy ankles but the smell would probably break the ice and much, much more.
Would you wear shorts on your first date? What 5 places do you think women notice first?
Selfies and Piggy-backs
Isaiah 46:3-4 (MSG)
The more I read this with my name scribbled in, the more I see myself on God's back, completely protected and at rest. Also completely taking a selfie!
If you've ever had a baby on your back before, you'd know that they absolutely love it. They turn their heads from side to side and smile to themselves (for some reason), poke you a bit and pull your hair (if you have any) but eventually, they fall asleep. It's a place of protection and comfort. Studies show that babies carried this way find security in their carrier, forming a bond, listening to the carrier's heartbeat, getting used to his/her voice and moving when he/she moves.
I want to hear God's heart beat, i want to hear his voice. And he promises to carry us till we are old. Like when we are 97, we will still be pampered and doted on by our God, piggyback riding and still hearing his voice, pulling his hair and enjoying the warmth of his love-while taking a selfie.
xx
PS: Scribble in your name in verses that show God's promises to you! What's you favorite promise from the bible? You could take a screen-shot and upload in the comments!
Babywearing: The Benefits and Beauty of This Ancient Tradition by Dr. Maria Blois
My File Cabinet of Wrong
“Love keeps no record of being wronged”
I keep records all right; color coded, indexed and filed. I have categories and time periods (for easy referral). Some people even have their own files. For example, my neighbor who never responds when i say 'hi' to him at the mail box. His file is green. Then there's that bully from when i was 8, my own personal bully. Her file is befittingly black with no gloss. There's also that lady who always meets my gleeful smiles and hi's with an arched brow. She has done it about 3 times (told you i kept record). The third time, by some clearly supernatural power she managed to arch both brows simultaneously. If you don't think that's supernatural, try arching both your brows at the same time. She was quite a sight. Her file is a faded kind of pink.
I have been meditating on this verse for like 2 weeks now and i'm sure even the cloud of witnesses are like "When is she going to get it already?", while fanning themselves with heaven type hand-fans. I think i'm not getting over these wrongs because i want closure, i want to know why in the world they are acting that way. In the ideal world, they would immediately feel awful for raising their eyebrows into eagle wings and run over to apologize and give a reason. Guess what, that doesn't happen. And then the bible goes and says not to keep any records. Sigh. So what's going to happen to all my files? How am I going to move on without closure, an apology, a picture of those epic eyebrows? Again, the bible says love keeps no record of wrongs, period and not love keeps no record of wrong, once closure is obtained. So i'm learning to live without closure. It's over-rated, honestly. All the power lies with the other person and their brows (lol! I need to get over this brow. Officially mentioned a variant of the word "brow" at least 6 times.)
This is the end of this post and right now, I am mentally setting fire to my files, all of them. Also you never know whats going on with people privately. They may be going through some struggle or stressful experience. I guess i'll keep saying hey until one day when they eventually respond. As i type this, i'm thinking about keeping the black file, but then, (deep breath) "Love keeps no record of wrong." Let it burn.
What's your file cabinet like? How do you deal with filed wrongs? Some people think you can't really forget, what's your take? Would you keep saying hello until they respond?
How to deal with Negative people (1)
Everyone has suddenly gone snobby with management of negative people! The general rule is to avoid them like a plague. Do not relate with them, everyone says, they spoil our own good vibe, our crystal aura, they disrupt the sea gulls that squeal around in our bubble of tranquility. They distract our unicorns from drinking from the burbly, shimmery brook, they ruin our day with their thunderous, dark clouds. Spot the negative people and then weed them out. I like this rule because its convenient and frankly i don't have to deal with anyone's bad aura. I have things to do and I have a calendar full of tasks and deadlines. I need to be productive and we all know what they say about productivity (*insert abstract Productivity quote*).
Nevertheless, i can't agree with this rule. It belittles my ability to impact others positively and i'm also at risk. You see, sometimes, i could be a little negative myself and I could very well be excluded from the unicorn islands of the "positive people"! And who wants that? No one! There's no way i'm passing on unicorns. So i have decided to deal with the bigger problem, bigger than dealing with negative people - dealing with negative me.
How to deal with negative people me
1. Think positively (but you already knew that)
Everyone knows this, but we only begin to chant "Think positively" when stuff has gone crazy and our negativity has gone crazy wild, biting at our heels and trying to ruin our lives. Thinking positively is a life style. It's everyday, every night, every waking, blinking second; not a magic wand. Whatever you think up in your mind or whatever ruling thought dominates your heart is what will spill out. Yes, your thoughts eventually spill out. It's like burping. If you had sea food gumbo for lunch, your burp 3 hours later will be nothing short of epic. So, think positively, ruminate on the good thoughts and burp rainbows.
2. STOP HAVING COFFEE AND DOUBLE-CHOC MUFFINS WITH FEAR
Honestly, i think at some point, fear was my best friend. Interestingly, she was always there. I never could complain that she ditched me....always there, in my bed, in the dark, in the car, on my run, on the plane. I literally would entertain fear unconsciously, until one day, she decided to take over my life. "She's part of the human response", you might think. True, but she is also NEGATIVITY in the flesh. So we broke up. Yup, we had bad blood. Definitely had bad blood. We could not be friends anymore. No more hanging out and catching up, started snobbing her and ever since, it has been coffee with God instead.
3. New habit: Choose not to complain
Complaining signifies a state of helplessness and constant dissatisfaction. It's not healthy for you or the people around you, so Shake it off! Shake it off! (I am on a Taylor Swift roll today). It takes a while to train yourself to stop complaining. On the average, it takes 66 days to acquire a habit (sometimes a little more). Try not complaining about traffic, the driver that just cut in, your commute, your boyfriend/husband/wife, parents, kids, work, the weather, lunch, the neighbor whose food smells like locust beans for 66 days. It will be the best 95,040 minutes of your life!
4. The gratitude plug
If you know anything about change at all or about quitting, you'd know a void appears in the absence of a past habit. So what to do with this gape left by complaining? Stuff it with gratitude, most especially to God. I don't know anyone who cares so much about anyone else as He does about us. There are so many things to be grateful for. That locust-beans neighbor for one, is something to be grateful for. Loads of people will kill for a neighbor of any sort but they don't have the opportunity (think Syria).
5. #NOTEVERYTIMEDEVILSADVOCATE
Encourage others! To encourage means 'to give confidence to.' People need confidence and its completely in our power to inspire. Speak words that encourage, not words that cut down. Encourage people to dream...dream big and to achieve those dreams, even if the dream is to sell a wide variety of colorful sequins for a living, just be supportive. Sometimes people in our lives do things we can't relate to and then we get stuck in our lack of understanding and do nothing. It's not about us, its about being a form of support #noteverytimedevilsadvocate #Justsupport #butonlylegalstuff .
6. See the good in people
I know. Some people task your optic nerves trying to see the good in them but it's there. Seeing the good in people requires you readjusting your perspective. Just a little more to the right. Yup, there it is.
7. Say Good things about people
Sometimes the words fall out of our mouths, but do they.....really? Every word that comes out of your mouth is actually passed along an interestingly complex neural circuit in your brain. It didn't just fall out. It was thought through and then it deliberately stepped off the ledge of your tongue. The fact that it's conscious and calculated means its controllable. We can actually CHOOSE to say good things. Speaking good about people is a necessity for the health of your mind. Trust me.
Do you have any tips on dealing with inner negativity? Please share below and remember to love on a negative person today! Unicorns are so in!
24 fun things to know about Nigerians (P.s And 1 reason to have one as a friend)
It's cute and exhaustingly amusing when someone from another country tells me "Hey, you speak really good English" or when they think suddenly in their minds "EBOLA!" and begin to panic, just because i said i'm Nigerian (hehe) or when they think "Hmmm" and immediately activate their Inspector gadget Internet-fraud sensors. The best is when they think we are terrorists. Someone actually once referred to us (to my face) as "You terrorists!" LOL! I love foreigners. I'll be honest, i thought about hitting him over the head with the pack of pasta i was holding but then 1) It was a rare pasta that i usually buy from Italy 2) You really can't beat ignorance out of anyone 3) He was much shorter than i was (i might have been whisked away by the police for child abuse before they understood that he was actually 35). However, what can i say, we all are ignorant at some time or the other (e.g. my sore disappointment whenever i'm on Baker street and I don't run into Sherlock Holmes or whenever i'm in New York and i don't run into the cast of friends, so hey.)
when someone asks how I learnt to speak English
Here's the truth, the typical Nigerian has no interest in terrorism, communicates excellently and is quite the culinary beast. If you aren't friends with us for any reason, at least, for the sake of your olfactory and gustatory senses, make friends with one Nigerian!
Happy Independence day, baby!!!
Fun things to know about Nigerians:
We don't really believe in snacking (our snacks look like meals)
We don't eat food without meat. Lol!
We respect the elderly
We don't act up when we drink. We don't know why. No falling in the gutters, no puking, nothing. We just breath in the alcohol.
We are awesome drivers! We make it work without traffic lights, floor markings, reflectors or street lights. So to all my people who have failed their driving tests in diaspora, We Shall Rise!
We can tell if you are not from Nigeria and we don't even have to speak to you to know
We really are very clever
We make amazing jollof rice #NigerianJollof
We know there's a God and he hooks us up
We love the familiar but we appreciate the foreign (We actually like foreigners, maybe too much)
We aren't all shafty and dodgy internet fraudsters
We love to dance! You have no idea
Our fight/flight system is off the hiz (does anyone even say that anymore, it was such a good adjective)
We love football
We thrive. We live in the most remote parts of the world. Ok that's stretching it, Iceland , Antartica.... all stretches. We thrive anywhere that promises economic prosperity.
We have a good ear for music
We drive a hard bargain. It's almost embarrassing
We have coded in our DNA the entrepreneurial gene; here, there, there, enough said
We discipline our kids, no back-talk or you get a back-hand
We make amazing Jollof rice (did i say this already? You bet i did, i'll say it again We make amazing jolly...even autocorrect be hating...JOLLOF rice!)
We can be naive and at the same time deeply cunning . Shrug, what can we say, it's a gift
We like nice things....very very very nice things
We dress up not down.
We DON'T enjoy extreme sports ; no bungee, mountaineering, hiking (less than a quarter mile will do)
Come on, love us will ya!
Add to the list! I know our traits are inexhaustible......
Letters to my great-granddaughter- The Assasination of Mary
Dear Charly,
This is the story of the assassination of Mary.
It was a dark, stormy night. As the rain slapped noisily against my window, all I could think about was completing my task. I sat in my old dilapidated room contemplating the plan. Ms. Y had come to me with the job. The target was Mary.
Mary had been making enemies or maybe not, I didn't care. My job was to take her out. In my line of work, many get paid for the services they render, but I do it because I enjoy it. I can't say many of my "colleagues" don't enjoy it much either but some of them end up in a shrink's chair. For me this is somewhat of a hobby. There's a joy that comes with taking existence, isn't there? A little laugh bubbles somewhere deep in your throat as you stare at the lifeless corpse you made. One minute there is life, a rhythmic thumping, a pulse - next, stillness, quietness.
Mary like everyone else would experience the stillness soon. She'd be removed, forced to cease, forced to rest in peace or in the Lord or in a pit. I smiled, almost fondly. I know Mary myself, we work together and I had thought knowing her firsthand would make the job harder, not in the slightest, in fact, I was ever so enthusiastic. I had no motive to kill either, so I guess the murder would never be traced back to me. The joys of getting away with murder, I giggled to myself as I polished my weapon. I'd write a book one day; How to Get Away with Murder, except someone beats me to it first.
Early the next morning, Mary was found dead at her desk. A couple of us knew who did it. Not to worry, i wasn't the only one who took Mary out, it was more of a group effort. We all chipped in at the office, a little stab here, another there, the same way we chipped in to buy her a chocolate frosted birthday cake last June. Now she was out cold, face ashen and mouth agape.
Just in case you have never thought about gossiping and backbiting this way, this is exactly what it is, Charly. The moment you open your pretty mouth to slander another person, you literally just killed the person. It's actually called "character assassination"; dishonoring another individual. People do stupid things, people do crazy things, people do down-right weird stuff but it's not your place to judge. Never was, never will be. When the gist comes your way, let it slide. Forget it and don't relate with the person based on what you heard.
I've done my own share of gossiping, probably enough to cover the next four generations of my progeny (another reason you don't have to). I've learnt to reconfigure my mind through a deliberate process, not to speak ill of people and to wish them the best, even if they slip up. Catch yourself when you can and stop polishing your weapon, someone might just be pointing a nozzle your way.
Love,
Great gran x
No one was hurt in the making of this post! If your name is Mary, I have nothing against you. Marys are my fave!