Have Fun Dealing with Pentheraphobia (the fear of Mothers-in-law)
All engaged couples, in my opinion should take one change management class before they get married. Marriage is a wonderful thing, full of delight, sparks, laughter, pouts(sometimes) and subtle and not-so subtle changes. That's the tricky part; these changes.
Change is an underlying theme in marriage, it's a new situation all together, new experience, new items on your shopping receipt, new conversations that never crossed your mind while dating, new living arrangements, new budget and resource allocation, new events, new individuals and participating bodies. In-laws. Da dada dum*insert eerie howl* Whether passive or active, in-laws are an interesting garnish to a marriage.
I think everyone expects some degree of in-law drama, as they prepare to get married; and for some, they get it, all of it! For some, they get nothing. Either way, it's important to have great in-law management skills.
Before i started dating Ed, i think i may have had a case of pentheraphobia, the fear of mothers-in-law! This is actually a thing, guys. Lol. But then again, there's a phobia for even cooking(Mageirocophobia), now, that would be an interesting excuse when i want to eat out, my eyes, wide, scared and all.
Anyway, so to deal with my Pentheraphobia, i decided to get some in-law management skills, by observing other people relate with their in-laws. I ended up with the awesomest in-laws, so i really don't know why i was stressing, i'd invite you to join our family but we are out of single people. Hehe.
What i learnt from watching these relationships was this; best advice ever: Treat your in-laws like you'd treat your family. I realized that you are in control of the way your relationship with your spouse's family could turn out. It could be great or a terrible disaster.
Treating them like you'd treat your family, or even better, as you would treat yourself goes a long way and sets you up for a great life with them and joyful grins from your spouse!
For example, if you buy your dad a particular fountain pen all the time, you should find out what your father-in-law likes and buy it occasionally for him too; if mum likes to sleep in the pretty guest room at your house with the floral print curtains, then set it up for your mum-in-law too; if you are planning to build your parents a house, and your in-laws have hopes of building a house too, I guess 2 is the lucky number. What I'm saying is, esteem your in-laws, treat them like you'd want to be treated at that age or maybe even a little more! Learn to honor them, they are your new family!
I know, i know, there are some inlaws that act like they belong on the set of The Omen, Lol! For them, you need to treat them as family too, love them, hope your spouse calls them out of his own volition and pray for them!
What are your thoughts on managing in-laws? Do you have Pentheraphobia? How do you deal?
The Existence of Holy Twerks and God's Soprano voice
I've always imagined God as the huge, shiny, shiny, glimmering, iridescent being, who sits on a massive throne, surrounded by cherubs and the 24 elders; angels flapping around Him like moths to a flame, a sea of glass in front of His throne, everyone singing in perfect tones and in complete awe of Him, praising, hollering in delight. I'm probably semi-right, according to the book of Revelation. Semi-right, because no imagination, narrative or words can actually truly describe what's going on up there*insert dramatic gaze at skies*.
I often wondered though, what God does during this time- when everyone is singing and jumping around and screaming about how great He is. Does He just sit on his throne and stare at everyone and nod in approval with stately composure and a side smile? What does He do when we (His peeps on earth) sing to Him? Does He catch the praise in His fist, examine them and separate them into "acceptable" and "unacceptable" baskets? Does He laugh and roll His eyes when I call Him pet-names? (Which I do. Smh. You should hear them)
When we sing to God or come to Him, we are automatically in this space where we are praising along with the angels, the elders, souls of saints (a.k.a souls of righteous guys made perfect) and it's all a merry, exhilarating wing-flapping experience, crowned elders tossing their crowns, creative expressions of love including dabbing, splits, holy twerks and shoki's- definitely merry.
I think-I'm not certain-but I think I may have found what he does when we sing to him.
I think when we come into His throne room with a love song or a worship song, His heart skips a beat, His pupils dilate, His fingers grip His arm rest and His breath is caught in His chest because the one He's in love with, just stepped into his presence. With every note and beat, whether or not you are on or off-key, His heart throbs along and suddenly-what does He do?
“The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing”
"Rejoice over you with singing" Hands down, the second most romantic thing I've seen in the bible. Rejoicing, hmm. He, maybe, gets up from His throne because it could be pretty uncomfortable rejoicing while sitting down. He's on his feet, among the bowing elders and angels and the flapping cherubs, and walks towards you, everything else fades and He stands just about a foot away, His eyes transfixed on yours, as you sing. Then suddenly, He begins to sing too! 😍😍 Of course, this quickly becomes a full-blown Bollywood set, where you and Him dance, laugh and sing about how much you love one another, I like to imagine the angels as backup dancers! He rejoices over us with singing. Can you even try to imagine it? God, singing, spinning on His heels and chasing you around an imaginary tree! Amazing!
What do you guys think? Ever tried Holy Twerking? Hehe.
Random Fish. Apparently pictures taken in the morning are pretty pretty.
Love Your Frenemies!
In the entire history of mankind, till present, no one rocks the "Frenemy" jersey like Judas Iscariot. He was a seasoned hater, a hypocrite and a very proactive enemy. Only recently, I realized that he went out, voluntarily, to the Pharisees to inquire how he might assist in their efforts to arrest Jesus! Lol. He actually got up from his meal of lamb chops and olives with a side of coleslaw and walked to find ways to resourcefully betray his friend- if that isn't proactive, I don't know what is!
I personally found him interesting because he was always with Jesus, through the miracles and the walking on water, feeding the five thousand and raising dead people; through everything! Why couldn't he just be happy for his friend? Why was he so bitter and weird? Why did he voluntarily snitch on his friend?!
His dedication to this betrayal, is one of the most mysterious stories in the bible; actually, come to think of it, maybe not, because we already know haters gon' hate. Still, it's bothersome that he took this "frenemy" business so serious and in my personal opinion, a little too far. He was so resolute and active about it. Why? Well, because it was his destiny. Simply put. Judas was designed to accomplish something in the life of his friend, something that the whole of mankind kind of depends on, even till this day! Judas was part of the big plan! Frenemies are part of the big plan in your life (most times, anyway!)
While I know frenemies are a pain in the tush, they are actually there for a reason. My default statement usually would be "shake that hater loose" or "be rid of that backbiting frenemy" but what if we stop and ponder; what if our frenemy actually had a purpose in our lives?
Dying for mankind was Jesus' life's goal and a frenemy played such a huge part! Jesus, kind of embraced the role of Judas in his life! In fact, one day, during diner, Jesus looks at Judas, straight in the eye and tells him point blank that he needs to get on with whatever he's supposed to do. He's urging him to stab him in the back! It's beyond me, this story. Lol!
I guess frenemies do have a function then!
Did you know that frenemies are known to improve productivity and attain accomplishments in our lives? Science proves it. Wouldn't it be great to put our frenemies to good use and see what comes out of the relationship?
We should ask God for guidance and grace to deal with frenemies and then, when their task is done, ask him nicely, that they please get lost.
What are your thoughts?
4 Long Distance Relationship mind-tricks + How to deal
Somewhere in between feeling like a third wheel on most social outings and scowling on the crowded train next to the kissing couple, you'll realize that this long distance relationship (LDR) isn't just your thing!
No one can take away the discomfort (putting it mildly) that LDR brings but you can sure make it easier on yourself. From experience, i noticed that LDRs tend to have certain effects on the individuals involved--minds tricks that's what they are really. The distance, of course, makes you feel as frustrated as ever and begins to play games on your mind, causing you to make decisions you wouldn't make otherwise (especially #4). I've narrowed these effects down to 4 effects, because this post could easily turn into a book if I don't. Lol!
Spoiler alert for effect #2: During our LDR, probably in our 7th year, Ed and I were away from each other for a while--the longest we had ever been. By the 3rd month, we couldn't remember what the other person felt or looked like! Don't be alarmed if this happens to you, somewhere along the line you might lose bits and pieces of the events and time you shared together, but that's ok, breathe, it doesn't mean your relationship is dying. Check out #2 for tricks!
Here are 4 tricks LDRs might have on your mind and 4 neat tricks to manage them:
1. Stuck on Stag Island
Stagnant (Stag) island: that place where you want to hide under a rock and become a hermit. From experience, I can say LDR has a knack for getting you to put your life on hold, because your Significant other(S.O) is not around. You are here watching the world go by, passing on some awesome experiences and all you want to do is dip yourself in a slow, mundane cycle and sluggishly go with the motions till you see bae again.
Neat trick: Get busy and don't let those experiences pass you by (Well, not unless they cost money and you are broke). Find a hobby. Develop yourself! If you want to go to Turkey for a- once-in-life-time internship opportunity, this would be a great time to do so.
2. Forget S.O's face and features
By week 9 of your LDR, you may begin to forget features, voice tones, the tiny things that made you fall in love with S.O. True, you talk every day on FaceTime or Imo but you can't get past the virtual barricade the screen offers. Don't panic and think your relationship is over just because you can't remember the way he feels or the way she laughs!
Neat trick: Discusswith your S.O. He/she probably feels the same way and is just as spooked about telling you. Sharing this will take the load off your shoulders. A surprise visit may also be in order, if you can afford it!
Something Ed did that helped was "a letter box". He wrote about 10 letters all sealed in individual envelopes and marked for the days I was to open them and read (P.s I love you style). *heart bubbles bursting all over my head right now* It also helped that we gave each other rich narratives of our day.
3. PDA intolerance
You suddenly become intolerant to couples holding hands and kissing on the streets. I remember one particular couple in Trafalgar Square. They were both dressed in white clothes, top to bottom, for some reason. They wouldn't stop kissing each other! If you have me a pen and paper, I could draw and label their tongues. I saw too much in one glance. Way too much.
Neat trick: Zone out of the situation and give the couple as much space as possible. There's not a lot to do in this situation but self-pacify. Lol! If you think about it, you guys will eventually be that gross couple that everyone can draw their tongues in future. Sohold your peace and focus on the future!
4. Illegally Crushing
You begin to crush on someone who is near and isn't even cute! LDRers are lonely people and are the most susceptible to having weird, random crushes. Tut. Tut. It's the LDR hustle.
Not-so-neat trick: You have two options: (1)Tell S.O about it. Reassure him/her that it's nothing. You guys can work through it together. (2) If you are going the other obvious route-the don't-tell-S.O route, please find someone who you can trust and confide in. Be accountable. It's great to have good platonic friendships at your location to ensure you aren't lonely and are occupied! It really helps, unless they are "Jacks". Lol! I just remembered that post. I'm going to read that now. I hope you enjoyed this and that it helped! Please share with an LDRers you know! Thanks!
Hey, can you identify with any of these mind-tricks? Please feel free to add any effects of long distance relationships you might have experienced below!
My Spartan Siblings!
When I was three months old, my parents were involved in an accident. Fractured and recovering from concussions, they were stuck in the hospital for months as roomies--yet again ( I imagine them doing some "roomies-for-life" fist-bump as they lay in the same ward. Lol. Random)
Anyway, I had no clue what was going on, they had left me at home with my 4 older siblings that day and at 9pm(which was time for my night cap), mum and dad weren't back!
Where were they? That chirpy lady who smelt like fresh, rose-scented laundry and Elizabeth Arden's Red Door and that dark guy with the easy smile who cooed at me and called me 'babygirl', where did they go? These were my thoughts, as I chewed my foot and blew raspberries into the air, deep in thought......... as a 3-month old.
My siblings must have gathered around me in my crib, all four of them, sighing in love or rolling their eyes (lol) in compassion and in a flash jumping right into the role of parenting.
If you know babies at all, you'd know they are the neediest creatures on the planet. They have to be cleaned, fed, rocked, loved, burped, amused. Back then, babies used nappies not diapers; water not wipes; human rockers not battery-powered ones; bum air-baths not psuedocream.
For my siblings, the supposed fun, adventure known as their teenage years quickly became a blur of nappie pins, Farley's rusks and midnight babysitting. However, they sucked it up, gave the Sparta war-cry and took care of me as a team; they did it excellently well too!
My siblings are there when I need them and even when I don't. We don't always agree, which makes it all the more colorful, but we support each other in whatever way, most especially in prayers.
These days we are all busy. We catch up from time to time. I'll never really be able to completely repay them for having my back and making sure I always had on spanking-clean nappies that year, but I can requite with my unconditional sib-loving, prayers and confessions for their lives!
What's your fondest memory of your siblings? How often do you pray for your siblings? How often do you insert their name in scripture and bless them?
It's not enough to wish your siblings well; they need your love and prayers. Happy Siblings Day!
Leah's Story | When your Dad sells you: Buy One, Get One Free
If you've ever seen the words "Repeat class" or "Retake course" on your report card, the realization of those words come with dramatic chest palpitations, a huge feeling of inadequacy, you lean on the wall to steady yourself and take quick successive breaths- if you are a drama queen.
However, what your teacher or course director is really trying to say is, "*insert your name*, you need to get 'IT'; you just have to get 'IT' before I can let you move on to the next level".
"IT", being the general gist and point of enrolling in this class in the first place.
I've repeated too many times to count now. Well, I've never actually repeated an academic class, but my life lesson classes, sometimes, are stuck on repeat. My 'forgiveness' class probably took 4 years to pass, with a D (aka room for improvement, mildly speaking).
Early in the year, a story caught my eye about a woman who just didn't get IT either and it took her a pretty long while to figure out what life lesson she was supposed to be learning. It was the story of Leah; the least-slaying girl in the bible (we'll get to that in a bit).
Leah was the third wheel in Jacob and Rachel's relationship. Leah was Rachel's older sister and was given to Jacob as a wife because in their culture, it wasn't cool for the older daughter to remain single, while her little sister ran in tall meadows and rolled around in the hay with the man of her dreams. It just wasn't allowed. So, her dad, Laban, tossed her as a surprise add-on into Jacob's cart. Talk about discounted merchandise. Imagine what that would have done to the poor girl's esteem!
Leah, by the way was not a hottie, it was clearly stated in the bible and when the bible denies you as a hottie, best believe. She wasn't slaying, was definitely not styling or fleeking or whatever. Basically, she was this girl that dad was really, really trying to get rid of; that Jacob did not want AT ALL; that her sister probably despised because she kind of stole her man and that girl whose esteem needed a little a lot of a ummph!
Here are some quick facts about this story: Jake had always been in love with Rachel; Rachel was also in love with Jake; Leah was in love with Jacob but no one cared. Really. No one. Not even me, not until last January when the true impact and relevance of this girl's story hit me right in the face.
Where were we? Yeah, no one cared, I imagine Jacob and Rachel running around a tree (or a cactus), carving their names into it and blushing at each other, then suddenly, Leah comes into the scene, looking for some carve-blush-love action, but that never happened. Rachel and Jake paid her no attention at all and Leah complained incessantly about it.
Then God noticed, that she was unloved! He actually noticed and because of that He gave her children. Why did He give her children? Was that supposed to make up for her love-cactus denial and love starvation? I've wondered about this since January. Then one day, I realized, He gave her the kids to teach her something; but what?
When Leah had the first baby, she thought to herself, 'Yay, Jake is so going to love me! *Sigh*! My initials will finally be carved into that cactus!'
Baby Rueben came, no one cared.
She got pregnant again, she thought, 'OK, this isn't a drill. He will love me this time!'
Baby Simeon came, crickets.
Then Baby Levi, nothing. No roses, no party, no blue stone of the Nile. Nothing. Just the same ol' crickets.
It was after this baby IT hit her! Jacob was never going to love her or her kids (in fact, it was later recorded that Jacob loved Joseph, Rachel's son, so much that he gave him the famous coat of many colors. He didn't love Leah's kids that much).
On Leah's delivery of her fourth child, she finally got what God was trying to teach her all along!
When her fourth son, Judah, came along, she said "This time, I will praise the Lord." When I read this scripture in January, for the first time, I initially thought she had given up hope on being loved by Jake but in actual fact, she had gotten IT! She got what God was trying to teach her. You see, God had been chasing after her maniacally! He wanted Leah. He chose Leah. He wanted her to turn her attention from pining for Jake's love. He wanted her to look and focus on him. The unwanted, unpretty, third-wheel, non-slaying, add-on wife was being chased by the God of all things!
He chose her. I can't get over that! This has excited me for about 3 months now, that a person that people do not regard as important would be chosen by God.
“God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being may boast in the presence of God”
It took Leah 4 children, to understand that God was saying to her "Hey, darling, stop trying to get that guy to fall in love with you. Psst. Fall in love with me."
Sometimes we hear stories like this: "God is not giving them children because he wants their attention." And we think God is this mean, stingy person who only knows to withhold before he gives but that's not who he is! He gave Leah tons of children to get her attention! And then one day, Leah got IT; and from her, son, Judah came Jesus Christ, the Saviour of all mankind, 36 generations later.
The day we get IT, heaven begins to unwind the scrolls of our destinies.
Psst! Get IT. Fall in Love with Him!
I hope you enjoyed this post! If you know someone who might need it, please share!
18 Questions and Weekend Chill with Skip!
We all know Skip, right? Our reader, who i suspect might be a secret writer in his spare time, who sends me letters at will and on the most interesting topics. When i read his first letter, i must have spent about 2 weeks, trying to figure out a reply. He sent me this recently; this fun, easy read with more rhetorical questions than a grumpy grandpa could have! I don't suppose i'll reply and attempt to turn this into a battle of wits. I loved it and wouldn't stop laughing! To the Yes/No questions, i think my answer was 'Yes, probably!' to all. Lol. Which is your favorite question? Thanks, Skip! Enjoy your weekend, Everybody!
Dear Lix,
What do you do when somebody wants to kiss you but you don’t want to kiss them back?
Have you wanted to kiss someone so bad but they didn’t want to kiss you at all?
Were you ever busy kissing someone and they wanted you to stop because all of a sudden they don’t want to kiss you anymore because now they want to kiss someone else?
Did you ever get tired and didn’t want to kiss anymore, but the person you’re kissing is still keen on kissing but you want to kiss someone else?
Have you ever been in the process of kissing someone in what you thought was an extremely passionate moment, and you kind of slightly open your eyes and they are wide-eyed staring at you like ‘waris dis one doing?'
Why did you kind of slightly open your eyes?
How do you handle being left high and dry mid-kiss?
What if you were kissing someone and you like it, so you promise to keep on kissing, just them forever and ever, but you’re a promise and fail and you change your mind, not necessarily because you found someone else to kiss, but you just don’t want to kiss them anymore, is that wrong?
Sometimes after they promise forever and ever, they just stop kissing you without any explanation, now you don’t know what to do with all this shimmer on your lips, how do you deal?
Have you ever found yourself wanting to kiss this certain person, but not anymore, but sometimes and at other times, but not all the time, and then you want to, but then you don’t want to, so you stop, and you start, and they don’t do it right but you like their face?
How do you tell someone you’re currently kissing that you’ve found someone else you like kissing better, so you’d like permission to start kissing that someone else full time?
Is it really important to ask someone if you can kiss them before you start kissing them?
If you kiss them without asking, and they don’t push you, but then they’re not actively, really kissing you back, but you’re fine with it because you’re kissing them anyway, is that ok?
What if you didn’t ask if you could kiss them, and when you start to kiss them, they start to scream at you and push you and try really hard to get your mouth off their face, what does this really mean?
Why do some people want to be kissing more than one person at the same time?
Why is it that some people are never satisfied even when they say they are? You kiss them all they want and "every-how" but they still want to kiss someone else?
.....So this person starts to kiss you and it’s oh soooo good, then you see pre-wedding pictures, and they’re getting married next month, what the hell?
On your sofa.
Skip
10 Maid of Honour Duties You Should Know
My first time ever as a Maid of Honour (MoH), I was so way off my MoH game! I was 16, lackadaisical and missed most of the ceremony; I spent the entire church service dozing and the reception with some guy that I was almost dating at the time, paying like zero attention to the bride (my sister). A million apologies, Sis. I really wish someone had sent me a blog post about my duties. Anyway after that, i've been a MoH twice and i've spent all the time trying to make up for that day.
If you have been recently graced with the honor of being a bridesmaid, congratulations! It, seriously, is a prestigious appointment; the bride literally just put you in a position where you could either make the wedding a success or a complete fart! Here are 10 things you should know as an MoH:
1. The wedding is not about you AT ALL
The 5th of April (or whatever date the wedding is) is not about you, not even one bit. It's a day you get to serve your friend. She has put you in charge of her well being for the day and to ensure the day goes as planned. So set your plans and almost-boyfriends aside and make your friend as comfortable as possible!
2. The Vendors are bae
Introduce yourself to the vendors, if they don't know you already and develop a good relationship with them. Once the bride wears her dress, all the vendors go through you. Ensure the only thing on her mind is getting to the altar and enjoying her reception. If the vendors haven't been paid or have a complaint, speak with the bride and resolve.
3. Contain drama...quickly
Disgruntles ex'es, a late bridegroom, a rip in her wedding dress, or even better, Egusi splattered on her dress at the reception, whatever the drama is, make sure it doesn't get out of control. If something goes wrong, fix it. She really doesn't need to know, if it isn't too important . Brides go through enough emotional roller coasters internally and if you can shed off the load that would be great. (Hint: You might want to ditch the heels at some point)
4. Get her a Unicorn!
Whatever makes her happy and cheerful, get it for her. As a MoH, you are responsible for keeping her comfortable and in a constant state of delight.
That night, after the wedding, you will feel like you have no feet and will be thoroughly exhausted but oh, the other feeling that warms your chest after caring for your friend. It's pretty darn good.
5. Keep her on time
At my church, if the couple to be wed don't arrive early, the minister starts without them. Lol! So if you really want your friend married that day with minimal frazzle, get her ready on time. Set deadlines and timelines for her dressing up, factor in the time needed by the MUA(makeup artist) , photographer, hair-stylist etc and be on your way.
6. Delegate duties to other bridesmaids
As a MoH, you are a team-lead. From interacting with the other bridesmaids, you should understand their strengths and utilize those strengths to making the bride as comfy as possible. Don't try and do the tasks all by yourself.
7. Provide spiritual support
I had two MoH's *Grin*. Bless my soul, the amount of spiritual support i received was remarkable. Months before the wedding, it's a great idea to choose a prayer day when the bridal party can pray towards the wedding!
8. Of course, organize a bridal shower
Organize the bridal shower with the other bridesmaids. Crafting a shower that works with her personality would be a great idea too! If she doesn't like penis-y cakes, then skip the penis-y cakes. If she doesn't like quiet, homely parties, then make some noise (in a non-residential venue). Remember to get gifts for her as well! (Gift ideas here!)
9. Eyes on the MUA
I love Makeup artists (MUA) but sometimes they just zap into the thinnest air! Make sure the MUA is available to touch-up the bride's makeup often enough or to right any smears.
10. Strap up your MoH Rambo kit!
Your MoH kit is your Maid-of-honor Rambo kit! Be prepared for contingencies. Weddings are the most probable places for rips, button pops and tears, so you must be prepared: Here's a list of what should be in your MoH kit:
Tissues
Pair of slippers or ballet flats for the bride
Bride's phone
Phone charger
Mints (no chewing gum, she'll regret it later when she gets the photos)
A snack
Safety pin
Mending kit
Hairpins
Tampon/ Sanitary towel (..because nature)
Nail file
Painkillers
Did i miss anything? Any MoH or bridesmaid experiences? Share! Share!